Is It Play Or Is It Real?!?!

For me it's fairly easy to break BDSM into two main categories.  First, there are those that just like the kink and the role play, which I call kinksters.  It may just be sexually or from time to time for fun or as a way to spice things up.  The second is those that Domination and submission is is a deep part of who they are and something they need in their life.  It transcends just play and kink and is some they need to feel complete and whole.  It's a way of life.  I, without a doubt, fall into the second group.  It's a part of me and what I need to have as a part of a relationship.  It's part of who I am.  There is nothing wrong with being a kinkster, so don't get me wrong.  Either is fine as long as it works for the person engaged in it.  You have to find what fits and is right for you.  But just for play or a role...not for me.

Whenever I see problems within this lifestyle, one way or another it seems to come back to the difference in these two categories, or at least many times it does.  And when people are new to this, especially Dominants, or those claiming to be Dominants, this is the part they just don't get...not yet anyway.  This doesn't mean they can't learn and that most don't want to learn, but they aren't there yet. These Dominants jump right in when they see this and think it looks fun.  They think it would be great to have a woman be at his beck and call.  

Many submissive women, on the other hand, come into this with a deeper understanding initially of who they are and what they need.  They have looked at this for a long time before taking steps towards this lifestyle.  They know it's a part of who they are and what they need.  They have likely battled within themselves as to whether they can or really want to do this.  Or whether they feel it's even right and ok to do this.  They may be very scared and vulnerable but know they need a Dominant Man in their life to be accountable to and to have oversee them.

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