The Time And Effort She Deserves…

There are a lot of different facets to this lifestyle.  There are many ways to go about carrying out the power exchange dynamics we all enjoy, and none of them are wrong.  We all go about doing things a little different and in ways that work best for us and our relationships.  Yet, there are some similarities across all of the dynamics in how a Dominant needs to conduct himself.  There are certain behaviors that I see as being mandatory and not up for discussion.

Anyone can cause pain and create marks on someone else.  Anyone can be aggressive and controlling.  Anyone can spend a little time in a scene with someone and push their limits.  The pain will go away.  The bruises will go away.  The marks will eventually fade and go away.  As a Dominant, it's the way you treat your submissive outside of these times that will stay with her and will last.

A Dominant has to give his submissive care and support throughout their relationship.  He has to offer reassurance and encouragement.  He has to make her feel appreciated for her submission, what she is willing to endure for him, and even as the woman she is in being his partner.  This sin't something that is only part of a scene together.  It has to be part of the entire relationship, every single day.  It is this being there for her, and helping support her in being who she is for you, that will last and stick in her mind.  It is being treated like she is important and that you care that will stay with her most.

It never ceases to amaze me how so many "Dominants" think being Dominant is just about the scene, using her sexually, or making her suffer pain.  They just want the action and fun and then are on their way.  They don't understand aftercare and the importance of it.  They don't understand continual ongoing care and the importance of it.  They don't understand that it's the time between your scenes that are most important.  This time is what helps her process what happened, gives her constant reassurance, and makes her want and need more from you.

A Dominant cannot just be  part of the scene and then disappear or not put forth any effort.  It's this effort that solidifies and reinforces who she is and what she gives.  She cannot be left floundering on her own to deal with everything.  As a Dominant, you have asked for her submission and she has given it to you, so you have to be willing and able to take her on.  Her submission is not just about the actual physical acts, but helping her learn and grow in addition to that as well.  If left to herself she will not be getting what she needs from you.  She will withdraw.  She will lose trust in you as her Dominant.  She will lose respect for you as her Dominant.  Ultimately this will mean you lose her submission to you.  Once this happens, it will be very difficult to regain, if not impossible.

A power exchange relationship, of whatever dynamic you choose, is a constant ongoing process and exchange.  It's not just for the fun aspects and when it's convenient.  When you invest yourself and your time into your partner, you can find more than you ever dreamed and get more from your partner than you ever knew you could have.  If you don't give the time and effort, you are doomed to fail.  She is worth and deserves that effort from you as her Dominant.  Don't be that guy that just uses her for your own enjoyment and pushes her aside.  Be the Dominant she needs all the time.  I promise you will get more in return than you ever imagined, and it will continue to only get better.

~DV~

The Duality of Domination…

Certainly there are many ways to go about participating in this lifestyle. We all have our own way of doing it. We all need different things from it. Yet, the common core of it is Domination by one person and submission by the other within a relationship together. This aspect is something that both people need for their respective roles.  It's a part of who they are and they don't feel complete without it.

There are two sides, or a duality, to the roles we choose to adhere to within this lifestyle. There is an active side and passive side. Meaning, you can actively Dominate or submit, or you can passively Dominate or submit.  As a Dominant, submission from your partner is gained over time. It is earned. You become respected in your role as a Dominant by your actions and being the person the submissive has come to need, desire, and crave. You didn't get that submission by just sitting around, beating your chest, roaring, and calling yourself a Dominant.  You didn't get that submission by just demanding submission. You gained it over time by actively being the Dominant you claim to be.  You got it by your actions reinforcing your words. You got it by assuming and taking on that Dominant role and the submissive being able to see and believe in you as that leader.

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