There's domination, rape, when I'm very lucky bondage. (He likes to use his hands, bore!)
I feel so close to him during the day. We laugh a lot together. I think about how good our marriage is and how happy I am.
Sometimes, our sex life is not so great. He seems lazy and uninspired; he tells me he's busy at work. I understand this, but I yearn. I want to be passive, not the one who has to entice and convince and hope and climb on top. I'm disappointed. He pokes around with the lack of skill I imagine a teenage boy would have. He comes too soon. He takes too long to come. He does not want to dominate me.
When those bad times happen, he tells me he's tired, it's just a fluke. When the good times happen he retroactively acts like he planned it all along. Oh, I meant to pretend to fall asleep and upset you and then wake up and rape you. I totally meant to have sex on a fertile day even before you begged me for it. Part of me wants to rejoice that we're so in tune. But the other part of me thinks, is this too in tune? If the bad occasions are a fluke, is it probable the good ones are, too?
Every relationship involves two people. Two people that rely on each other to meet their needs, make them feel good, and to make them feel fulfilled. It’s a bond they felt from the start and has grown deeper as the relationship has progressed. It involves a lot of trust, communication and mutual respect. A power exchange relationship (D/s, M/s, etc…) is no exception to this, and may even have some of these characteristics that are even more prevalent than their vanilla counterparts.As we all know, much of what those of this in this lifestyle do and portray is very sexual in nature. Whether it’s written blogs, websites, Fetlife, Tumblr, or whatever the case may be, what we run across more times than not is the sexual elements. This may be justified to some degree, as much of the time these relationships are about sexual Domination and submission. Yet, I think it’s the aspects of these relationships outside of the sexual realm that are the foundation that makes them strong. It’s the day to day interactions and normal daily life that people build lasting relationships upon, and not wild unadulterated sex, although we will all agree that is the fun part of this.
For many people it seems to be easy to engage in some type power exchange relationship sexually. Yet, when it comes to daily life decisions it seems to be more difficult. People appear to have a harder time taking or giving up control in daily life than they do with giving up control of their own bodies. For me personally as a Dominant, part of my rules is that I have the last word and the power to make all decisions. I want my partners views, thoughts, and opinions, and will always take that into account, but in the end I have the say. That doesn’t mean I want total control, that I’m overly Domineering, or that it’s my way or nothing by any means. It just establishes the boundaries for which we will conduct ourselves. This rule is easy to say but is much harder for both people to actually carry out.
There are times that I may make decisions and that is the end of discussion. Yet, more times than not, it is a combination of my own decision and my subs decision. I don’t conduct my relationship as a dictatorship or like a communist regime. I don’t want a mindless sub or slave. I want someone that can contribute to our relationship to make us both better and stronger. I want someone who can think for themselves and will also make decisions that are for the betterment of us.
Giving up control on decisions that affect your life and will have long term consequences can be scary. It takes a lot of trust and respect for the other person, and this can take a long time to develop. So least to say, when my sub comes to me to help her make life decisions it can be very gratifying. It shows me the depth of what we have fostered together. It shows me the true submission she has towards me in letting me in to make these decisions for her. It shows me the trust she has in me to make decisions that could affect and alter her life long term. This could be financially related, about a career or job position, a situation with a friend, one of the children, or any number of possible scenarios. She knows that based on our relationship dynamic my opinion carries a lot of weight, and she will likely have to go with my stance on the matter. Ultimately, this is what she needs and expects of me, though. This is the leader she needs me to be. Even still, I don’t just tell her what to do and nothing else is allowed, but rather try to equip her with information to make an informed decision on her own. A true leader doesn’t demand, he inspires.
For a Dominant that lives this lifestyle and conducts his relationship within a power exchange dynamic, in all aspects of a relationship and not just sexually, trust and respect are everything. These are attributes that are earned and gained. So, having your submissive trust you in all aspects of your relationship, and to make decisions that are potentially life altering, is such a satisfaction. It can make you beam inside with delight in seeing the depth your relationship has reached and just how how far the two of you have come together. With this comes a lot of responsibility. You have to make sure you are ready and able to carry that weight on your shoulders and live with the consequences of your actions. Those actions affect not only you, but also your partner. I am more than willing to accept this responsibility. After all, reaching this point is what we have been striving for as part of the progression of what we have and both need, or at leas it should be, as part of our power exchange dynamic and relationship.