I Submit to Him

I wear headcovers in church, and I submit to him. I bend over in the shower and let him rub his erection against me. I submit to him. I writhe beneath him, I cry, I panic, I flee, but still he enters me inexorably. I submit to him. He kisses me, roughly. We've been apart too long. His lips search mine. I feel warm and wet. I submit to him. I suck, I lick, I want the jewel. If I try to leave, he punishes me. I'm his. Did he make me a whore or was I one already? Another one, he whispers, embracing my--our--fertility. Another anchor, another tie to him. Another terrible sacrifice. I submit to him.

I lie and wait

I lie and wait for the triple header I know is coming,
That I know I deserve after mentioning threesomes and reading erotica and hitting him
Am I in for a bad night?
He has trained me somehow,
Changed me somehow,
Made me this woman who lies in bed awaiting her triple fucking, asking for it, needing it
Needing the connection,
The atonement for sins past
Waiting to be overcome,
Needing to be reminded who's boss
The baseball game captures his attention a few moments more
I'm tingling, nervous
Still aching from the welt his hand left on me when I hit him--
He already marked me
What punishment is in store?
The game is almost over.

"Why Anal Hurts" Review

In his essay “Why Anal Hurts” the 40-year-old author is quick to point out that he advocates painful sexual submission, not sexual abuse or rape. However, he still has ideas most feminists would hate. His whole idea is that men were made to penetrate and dominate, and women were made to submit and receive penetration. From an evolutionary point of view, he’s right, and he uses this to justify a man training and hurting a woman with whom he is in a committed relationship:

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In the dark of the night

Darkness fall. A soft rain patters outside.

He takes me, sharp pain, too much–I squirm and gasp and try to move away,
But his hands are inexorable
Drawing me to him
Shuddering, tears threaten

 

The sharp pain that gives way to the dull ache that brings shameful convulsions–
Involuntary, not building but crashing through
How from the depths of my body pleasure can be ripped from me with the hands of a thief
 How the pain is almost more than I can bear but the endorphins race through me
And I shudder,
and I surrender,
and I give.

 

Anal + TIH

While I consider our relationship to fall within the umbrella of Taken in Hand (TIH) relationships, I think for us, anal sex has evolved to take the place of spanking. Don’t get me wrong, at the beginning spanking was something we both enjoyed, but it was short-lived and he seems to gravitate the last 8-12 months toward anal domination.

Why?

An excellent question. He says he enjoys it because it’s a way to dominate me, totally and utterly. I hate it. It’s like Doule’s experience, which has regrettably been deleted, or this blogger’s depictions of anal orgasms.

Maybe it’s for many reasons. I don’t know everything that goes on in his head, and he is regrettably close-lipped during sex. But I know he likes to control me. Likes how I hate it. Likes how I cry or fight or beg or go limp. Likes how I look as I arch under him. Likes how I clench down on him when he reaches around and pinches my nipples. Likes how I cry out as he rips pleasures out of me. Likes how humiliated I become. Likes how I collapse before him. He tells me these things that he likes, sometimes, as he rides me and I am helpless beneath him.

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Why Christian Submission Is So Much More than the Duggars

There has been a lot of vitriol about the Duggars these days. Finally, the nonreligious are exulting, another religious leader has turned out to be a hypocrite, proving both him and his religion to be worthless. They are patriarchal fanatics who make their wives submit. I’ve read several articles along these lines, and they have something worthwhile to say. Articles with titles like “Anna Duggar Won’t Leave Her Cheating, Anti-LGBT Husband” and “I Was Almost Anna Duggar.” It seems the religious group the Duggars are associated with puts all blame on the woman to be sexually pure and submissive and the husband to be filled with insane, Satanic lusts he must flee from, and his wife must help him in this duty by being available to him. Women are kept in repressive, abusive marriages because they are denied an education, job experience, or any reproductive freedom.

Yet these things just aren’t true.

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We Come Together Again

We come together again,
And it is beautiful.
 
We come together in the light of a rainbow dusk
You feel me, you read me, you understand me:
You conquer me.
 
My Julius, your strong hands grip me,
Leave me no choice, take me
 
I shudder under your grip,
Subspace engulfs me,
I relax, sinking down
gratefully
 
You are mine
Your hands say it,
Your hips say it,
Your teeth say it as they tear into my neck
I am yours.

Wondering, worrying

Sometimes, our sex life is so great. Like, a 9/10. And I say that only because I always want to leave room for improvement and growth.

There's domination, rape, when I'm very lucky bondage. (He likes to use his hands, bore!)

I feel so close to him during the day. We laugh a lot together. I think about how good our marriage is and how happy I am.

Sometimes, our sex life is not so great. He seems lazy and uninspired; he tells me he's busy at work. I understand this, but I yearn. I want to be passive, not the one who has to entice and convince and hope and climb on top. I'm disappointed. He pokes around with the lack of skill I imagine a teenage boy would have. He comes too soon. He takes too long to come. He does not want to dominate me.

When those bad times happen, he tells me he's tired, it's just a fluke. When the good times happen he retroactively acts like he planned it all along. Oh, I meant to pretend to fall asleep and upset you and then wake up and rape you. I totally meant to have sex on a fertile day even before you begged me for it. Part of me wants to rejoice that we're so in tune. But the other part of me thinks, is this too in tune? If the bad occasions are a fluke, is it probable the good ones are, too?

I Own You

There are few things as raw and powerful as him taking you firmly by the hips and saying, "I own you" as he penetrates you.


The rush of emotion is divine. Subspace pulls me in. I feel like weeping. I am conquered, controlled, loved, and captivated.


The words are powerful. "I own you."


And so I feel owned.

"Her Submission" – A Poem

For birds within a cage, it’s a big and frightening world
For a woman outside, I’m a very young girl
And though the iron bars are open, she doesn’t want to leave
Outside these thorny walls she doesn’t know just how to sing
Though safe he holds them open, she falters at the start
If he is not true, her game is lost; he’d trample o’er her heart
The gates remain left open, but the bird does not take wing
For safe within these thorny walls, she knows just how to sing
She steps out into the sunlight,
A world she learns to ride
Life, faith, and love, and family
He stable at her side
He calls, he smiles, he beckons
Happy though she knew
Her freedom given, her happy home:
He has bars, sometimes, too.
 

Controlling Sex

This week has been really nice. We've been having kinky sex. And I've been sleeping better. Fewer nightmares, I don't even remember my dreams. It's so nice! The bad thing is it wears off after only a night. If we don't repeat the, erm, performance, the next night, I don't sleep as well again and I get nightmares. I don't know if it's the rush of endorphins afterward, or the high of subspace, or the feeling of being totally emotionally and physically drained and then taken care of afterward.... but it makes me sleep so much better.

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