In his essay “Why Anal Hurts” the 40-year-old author is quick to point out that he advocates painful sexual submission, not sexual abuse or rape. However, he still has ideas most feminists would hate. His whole idea is that men were made to penetrate and dominate, and women were made to submit and receive penetration. From an evolutionary point of view, he’s right, and he uses this to justify a man training and hurting a woman with whom he is in a committed relationship:
Darkness fall. A soft rain patters outside.
While I consider our relationship to fall within the umbrella of Taken in Hand (TIH) relationships, I think for us, anal sex has evolved to take the place of spanking. Don’t get me wrong, at the beginning spanking was something we both enjoyed, but it was short-lived and he seems to gravitate the last 8-12 months toward anal domination.
An excellent question. He says he enjoys it because it’s a way to dominate me, totally and utterly. I hate it. It’s like Doule’s experience, which has regrettably been deleted, or this blogger’s depictions of anal orgasms.
Maybe it’s for many reasons. I don’t know everything that goes on in his head, and he is regrettably close-lipped during sex. But I know he likes to control me. Likes how I hate it. Likes how I cry or fight or beg or go limp. Likes how I look as I arch under him. Likes how I clench down on him when he reaches around and pinches my nipples. Likes how I cry out as he rips pleasures out of me. Likes how humiliated I become. Likes how I collapse before him. He tells me these things that he likes, sometimes, as he rides me and I am helpless beneath him.
Why the violent orgasm? Why the taking and the biting and the rough?
There has been a lot of vitriol about the Duggars these days. Finally, the nonreligious are exulting, another religious leader has turned out to be a hypocrite, proving both him and his religion to be worthless. They are patriarchal fanatics who make their wives submit. I’ve read several articles along these lines, and they have something worthwhile to say. Articles with titles like “Anna Duggar Won’t Leave Her Cheating, Anti-LGBT Husband” and “I Was Almost Anna Duggar.” It seems the religious group the Duggars are associated with puts all blame on the woman to be sexually pure and submissive and the husband to be filled with insane, Satanic lusts he must flee from, and his wife must help him in this duty by being available to him. Women are kept in repressive, abusive marriages because they are denied an education, job experience, or any reproductive freedom.
Yet these things just aren’t true.
There's domination, rape, when I'm very lucky bondage. (He likes to use his hands, bore!)
I feel so close to him during the day. We laugh a lot together. I think about how good our marriage is and how happy I am.
Sometimes, our sex life is not so great. He seems lazy and uninspired; he tells me he's busy at work. I understand this, but I yearn. I want to be passive, not the one who has to entice and convince and hope and climb on top. I'm disappointed. He pokes around with the lack of skill I imagine a teenage boy would have. He comes too soon. He takes too long to come. He does not want to dominate me.
When those bad times happen, he tells me he's tired, it's just a fluke. When the good times happen he retroactively acts like he planned it all along. Oh, I meant to pretend to fall asleep and upset you and then wake up and rape you. I totally meant to have sex on a fertile day even before you begged me for it. Part of me wants to rejoice that we're so in tune. But the other part of me thinks, is this too in tune? If the bad occasions are a fluke, is it probable the good ones are, too?
The rush of emotion is divine. Subspace pulls me in. I feel like weeping. I am conquered, controlled, loved, and captivated.
The words are powerful. "I own you."
And so I feel owned.