Although the concept of intercourse interested me, it also scared me a little. I knew I wasn’t ready for it, but I also knew I was dying to be close to boys so I could kiss them and be held by them. After the affair with Walter, there was a drought. I had crushes on older boys who barely noticed me, boys my own age were largely pigs, and puberty had now brought me to the teetering edge of full-blown adolescence, where each day was a new and deeper pit of hellish self-consciousness, self-loathing and almost untenable horniness.
There will be time to go back and talk about early childhood, but I’ll start with my first conscious awareness of sex between partners.
I was walking with my friend Carol outside my old Brooklyn elementary school, P.S. 169, when she asked me if I knew how babies were made. I had just devoured a great big greasy slice of pizza and her question made me queasy. I was 11 years old and puberty was making a loud and early entrance in my life. Yet though I was noticing boys more, and was filled with romantic fantasies based on the novels and movies I’d read, the mechanics of baby-making eluded me. I was content to leave it that way. Even then, I knew I didn’t want children. Still, once she raised the subject, curiosity got the better of me. “How?”
Whenever I see problems within this lifestyle, one way or another it seems to come back to the difference in these two categories, or at least many times it does. And when people are new to this, especially Dominants, or those claiming to be Dominants, this is the part they just don't get...not yet anyway. This doesn't mean they can't learn and that most don't want to learn, but they aren't there yet. These Dominants jump right in when they see this and think it looks fun. They think it would be great to have a woman be at his beck and call.
Many submissive women, on the other hand, come into this with a deeper understanding initially of who they are and what they need. They have looked at this for a long time before taking steps towards this lifestyle. They know it's a part of who they are and what they need. They have likely battled within themselves as to whether they can or really want to do this. Or whether they feel it's even right and ok to do this. They may be very scared and vulnerable but know they need a Dominant Man in their life to be accountable to and to have oversee them.
One of the most respected artists of all time, Titian lived from roughly 1489 - 1576 (Wiki estimates).
Recognized by his contemporaries as "The Sun Amidst Small Stars" (recalling the famous final line of Dante's Paradiso), Titian was one of the most versatile of Italian painters, equally adept with portraits, landscape backgrounds, and mythological and religious subjects. His painting methods, particularly in the application and use of color, would exercise a profound influence not only on painters of the Italian Renaissance, but on future generations of Western art.
Venus of Urbano
model: Sandra Burt