Such a simple touch

Walking out of the restaurant, he grips the back of my neck. Squeezes gently.

I am happy. Relaxed.

He is showing his dominance to everyone around us.

But more than that. His love. His tenderness toward me. His caring.

His hand says, "I love this woman. She is mine."

I feel lucky. I sigh, feeling the tension drain. Why do we not do this more often?

He holds my door open for me, gets me into my car and kisses me goodbye. The moment is broken, but not gone.

We drive our separate ways, him to his work, me to mine.

But that moment at lunch stays with me the rest of the day.

Showing dominance in different ways

I think it's so interesting how those of us in this community show our submission and dominance in different ways.

Some women have written that, as part of their submission, they always order for their husband at restaurants. For me, on the other hand, my husband and I are both more old fashioned. At restaurants, he usually asks me what I want, then communicates my order to the waiter. If I want a refill or some extra condiment, I ask him and he flags down the waiter to ask.

Sometimes I wonder if waiters think this is strange. But I like that my husband is taking this role to protect me and provide for me. He is old-fashioned and likes to treat me that way, opening my doors, getting my lunches ready in the morning, making sure scatterbrained me still has her purse and keys in the morning. You can sometimes see him carrying the baby and the diaper bag and my bags even when I offer to help. He does a great job taking care of me.

Sometimes he will grab me by the hair, kiss me or bite my neck, and then let me go a few minutes later to continue whatever I was doing when he interrupted me. I think he likes being able to do what he wants, when he wants. I think it makes him feel powerful.

Because he is so confident, my Dom is not very jealous or nit-picky. Sometimes I even wish he were a bit more stringent and super-corrective! He is very laid back and confident, so he does not feel threatened if I want to spend time with male friends or my family members. However, he makes sure that any male friends I have, he also knows and has spent time with. I have one male friend that he is comfortable me going to his house alone, because they are good friends and my Dom trusts him 100%. I have another friend that my Dom is good friends with and does not mind me going out to meet him at a public place like lunch, or even my friend coming to my house, but he does ask me not to go to his house alone. I'm not sure why, but I did as he told me.

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Temporary Equality

For those of you not in 24/7 D/s relationships, how do you decide when and how to enter into the D/s aspect?

I've heard of methods people use to get into "the mode" of power exchange. For example:

Have you tried any of these? What about those of you in long-distance D/s or in D/s relationships with children or family around often so you have to appear more the norm when around them? How do you maintain the power exchange all the time, or do you go back and forth between D/s and "normal"?

With a baby and being so near our families, it's harder to maintain a power exchange relationship. We don't have time to spend doing things like spankings or kinky sex. He doesn't seem to have the time or energy to micro-manage me or even to boss me around. Therefore, we've settled into more of a 60/40 relationship than a 90/10 or 100/0 like we were working toward several months ago.

Winning the Man-Hater Over

"Your mom respects me," my Dom told me a few days ago. "I can tell."

My mom, if you haven't read much of my blog, is what you would call a Strong, Independent Woman. She was more of a man than my father was when we were growing up; not only was she the nurturer and loving, emotional one, but she was the protector, the brave one, the one who would fight tooth and nail for her kids.

She is also something of a man-hater.

I don't think she means to be. But I was raised with the subtle, unspoken attitude that men are weak, men are stupid, you can't trust men to do anything, and if you want it done right, you need to rely on a woman. They need the direction of a strong woman in their life to be worth anything. Basically, men are good for cooking and cleaning and doing service around the house, but for the big things, like bills, child-rearing, getting kids fed and clothed, and protecting the family, you need to rely on a woman.

I know, it's backwards from what most people are taught.

I don't blame her for this attitude, really. My dad was sweet and helpful, but he wasn't strong or fiery. He didn't fight for their marriage; he just let it slip away slowly while he was busy watching golf on the tv. To her, he was good for doing menial chores, like cooking and dishes and laundry, but she had to be the one who stood up for her kids, planned the dates, managed the checkbooks, and made all the big decisions.

So of course she thinks most men are useless.

Therefore, she treats most men like servants. She'll boss them around ("Why don't you go help the kids with their toys? Bring me a Coke with three ice cubes, please. Did you finish cooking dinner? Good, now set the table and then you can clean the dishes") and make fun at their expense.

My Dom got tired of this. He comes from a more traditional family, where women are seen as weak and men are seen as strong.

He was not happy with my mom's attitude toward him.

He started responding with emotional jabs back when she got bossy or high-handed with him. He acted like he was the king and she was lucky to be in the room with him.

She never said anything. I was afraid she was going to start hating him.

Instead, to my amazement, the strong man-eater started seeking his approval. She would laugh at his jokes. She didn't boss him around. When she did, she added a "please." When he hugged her or laughed at her jokes, she would beam, like she'd accomplished something. She likes to joke with him over a bottle of wine.

She seems to respect him.

When we got engaged, she appalled and worried me by crying "I just didn't want you to settle!" Those words--and her seeming disapproval of my choice--haunted me.

A few days ago, I brought it up. I asked her if she thought I'd settled.

She looked surprised. "No!" she said. "I just wanted you to be sure."

Warm waves of my mother's approval washed over me. She likes him. She respects him. She doesn't think I settled.

Neither do I.

Becoming A Weaker Woman

"Are you making me into a weak woman?" I asked.

My Dom seemed confused. "Why would you think that?"

Why would I think that? Because now it seems like I've become used to relying on him to make every decision I don't feel like making. I can't decide between the chicken and the fish. Which one do I want, babe? I'm not sure if I'd like fries to go with that for only a dollar. Do I want fries, babe?

If I want something, I say so. And he doesn't care. But if I'm hesitating, I turn to him. Even on the smallest things.

I've noticed an alarming pattern to my answers when my parents ask me questions. "Getting a new car? I don't know if we've started looking. Ask him." Or, "Utilities high this month? I have no idea. Ask him." Or, "Are the bills paid on time? I don't know. He always takes care of that."

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