Pushing Her Mental Boundaries…

I have been asked about the theme of my tumblr blog and it being BDSM related yet I post a lot of girl on girl pics.  There isn’t a simple answer to this.  It’s much more involved then one might think.  Of course, there is the fact that those pics are just plain hot and I post them because I like them.  Yet, it also goes deeper than that in relation to my slave.
My slave has always had bisexual desires and found women attractive.  Getting her to admit she has those desires has been a bit more of a challenge.  It has taken work and time and patience.  It has taken a lot of support and encouragement in letting her know that it is ok to desire the things she does, not just with her bisexuality but also being the slave she needs to be, her desire and love of pain, and a whole host of other things.  It has taken her becoming more secure in what we have, who she is for me, and that we are in this together no matter what.  Everyone has those certain mental boundaries that are an issue for them, and her admitting her desires for women has been one of those.

The Jekyll and Hyde Contradiction…

I believe at times we all have contradictions that that run through our head.  This is especially true within this lifestyle of BDSM, D/s, Ms, etc…  Any of you that have followed me for any length of time know that I have written about the contradictions that lie within submission.  There is the internal battle many times of what seems right versus what a submission wants, needs, or craves.   It can be hard to accept these things and come to terms with our desires for these seemingly inappropriate acts and treatment.  In today’s society, it can even seem very wrong to even want to submit and give power and authority over to another person, regardless of the acts that may play out.  Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret… this can be hard for a Dominant/Master at times as well.

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Emerging From The Darkness…



She had abolished herself within the dark dungeon because of the way she had been treated and viewed by all those outside. She had waited what seemed like a lifetime for the One Person that had the key to release her. For the One Person that was willing to bring her out of the darkness and accept her within the light. The One Person that could unlock the door to allow her to finally be free to fly. The One Person that could release her from the darkness she thought she would always be within.

As the door opened and the light He brought to her laid it’s beams upon her wings, they naturally spread as if she had always known how to fly. Yet, she was afraid of what lied beyond the door. At least in the darkness she knew what to expect. He didn’t drag her into the light, but instead patiently waited. He encouraged and offered support for her new life as she slowly left the darkness behind and stepped into the light. She knew that she owed everything to Him, for after all He was the one that held the key that would allow her to be who she has always been destined to be, and would completely accept her as she was.

As she emerged into the light, she knelt before Him in gratitude and reverence. She was beholden to the One true holder of the key that released her from the dungeon of herself to find the freedom in being all she can be. She knew that only with him would her wings spread wide and she would finally learn how to fly. He would nurture her soul and help her accept herself and all she is. She finally knew what it was like to find complete and total freedom in belonging to and giving herself to that One Person that had the ability to release her from the imprisonment of her own mind.

As tears of happiness rolled down her face, she took his outstretched hand to begin the Dauntless Journey down the path she had needed to be led down her entire life. She could finally feel her wings spread wider than they ever had before as she felt the care, love, and safety in his guidance. She was still afraid, but only of the unknown. Yet, she trusted Him with every ounce of her being, would give him her very best, and knew this was exactly where she was meant to be.


~DV~

Because He Said So…?

I have seen pictures and groups of pictures on tumblr, and other places for that matter, that are D/s and M/s and BDSM related with the words “Because He said So”.  I will say that as a Dominant I do adhere to this mantra, but there are some caveats to this as well. 
For the uninformed, uneducated, and ignorant people of this world, it’s these caveats that hold the true meaning behind these words. This is not a blanket statement, right, or entitlement that gives an alleged Master/Dom the right to demand anything he wants, expect it to be done or carried out, and then get mad when it doesn’t happen.  Listen to this very carefully…You are not entitled to a single thing just because you call yourself a Master or a Dom.  You don’t automatically have the right to expect anything just “Because You Said So” because you have proclaimed yourself as having a title.  
So what does it mean when you hear “Because He Said So…”?
It means the sub/slave has given him that right and authority over her. It means she has consented this power to such a person. It’s because she sees and feels him as worthy of such power and control. It’s because he has earned the right to be able to be that way with her. It’s because he has earned her respect in the Dominant position h has with her. It’s because he has put in the time, effort and work to get t that point with her.
For me personally, when I see those words it’s not just those words alone that resonate with me.  It’s the entire dynamic of the power exchange relationship, all it takes and all the two of you have gone through together to reach a place where “Because He Said So…” is a reality and has true depth and meaning.  It is a very special feeling and place to be when you reach this together.  But it is not something that you can instantly demand and expect.  
Earn your place with her.  Put in the time and effort she deserves.  Earn your title with her, because she feels it and bestows it upon you, not because you hereby declare it for yourself.  Anyone can call themselves whatever they like.  Having someone else see you as that person and give themselves to you as that person in your life… that is the true blessing. You don’t have a right and aren’t entitled to anything.  You do have the right to earn what you want and strive to achieve your goals.  
When the title as her Master or Dominant has been earned, and she sees you as worthy of that position over her, that is much more gratifying and fulfills a level of accomplishment than anything ever demanded without effort.  And when you get that from her, that is when you can truly say… “Becasue I Said So…”!
~DV~

Control In Daily Life…

Every relationship involves two people.  Two people that rely on each other to meet their needs, make them feel good, and to make them feel fulfilled.  It’s a bond they felt from the start and has grown deeper as the relationship has progressed.  It involves a lot of trust, communication and mutual respect.  A power exchange relationship (D/s, M/s, etc…) is no exception to this, and may even have some of these characteristics that are even more prevalent than their vanilla counterparts.As we all know, much of what those of this in this lifestyle do and portray is very sexual in nature.  Whether it’s written blogs, websites, Fetlife, Tumblr, or whatever the case may be, what we run across more times than not is the sexual elements.  This may be justified to some degree, as much of the time these relationships are about sexual Domination and submission.  Yet, I think it’s the aspects of these relationships outside of the sexual realm that are the foundation that makes them strong.  It’s the day to day interactions and normal daily life that people build lasting relationships upon, and not wild unadulterated sex, although we will all agree that is the fun part of this.

For many people it seems to be easy to engage in some type power exchange relationship sexually.  Yet, when it comes to daily life decisions it seems to be more difficult.  People appear to have a harder time taking or giving up control in daily life than they do with giving up control of their own bodies.  For me personally as a Dominant, part of my rules is that I have the last word and the power to make all decisions.  I want my partners views, thoughts, and opinions, and will always take that into account, but in the end I have the say.  That doesn’t mean I want total control, that I’m overly Domineering, or that it’s my way or nothing by any means.  It just establishes the boundaries for which we will conduct ourselves.  This rule is easy to say but is much harder for both people to actually carry out.

There are times that I may make decisions and that is the end of discussion.  Yet, more times than not, it is a combination of my own decision and my subs decision.  I don’t conduct my relationship as a dictatorship or like a communist regime.  I don’t want a mindless sub or slave.  I want someone that can contribute to our relationship to make us both better and stronger.  I want someone who can think for themselves and will also make decisions that are for the betterment of us.

Giving up control on decisions that affect your life and will have long term consequences can be scary.  It takes a lot of trust and respect for the other person, and this can take a long time to develop.  So least to say, when my sub comes to me to help her make life decisions it can be very gratifying.  It shows me the depth of what we have fostered together.  It shows me the true submission she has towards me in letting me in to make these decisions for her.  It shows me the trust she has in me to make decisions that could affect and alter her life long term.  This could be financially related, about a career or job position, a situation with a friend, one of the children, or any number of possible scenarios.  She knows that based on our relationship dynamic my opinion carries a lot of weight, and she will likely have to go with my stance on the matter.  Ultimately, this is what she needs and expects of me, though.  This is the leader she needs me to be.  Even still, I don’t just tell her what to do and nothing else is allowed, but rather try to equip her with information to make an informed decision on her own.  A true leader doesn’t demand, he inspires.

For a Dominant that lives this lifestyle and conducts his relationship within a power exchange dynamic, in all aspects of a relationship and not just sexually, trust and respect are everything.  These are attributes that are earned and gained.  So, having your submissive trust you in all aspects of your relationship, and to make decisions that are potentially life altering, is such a satisfaction.  It can make you beam inside with delight in seeing the depth your relationship has reached and just how how far the two of you have come together.  With this comes a lot of responsibility.  You have to make sure you are ready and able to carry that weight on your shoulders and live with the consequences of your actions.  Those actions affect not only you, but also your partner.  I am more than willing to accept this responsibility.  After all, reaching this point is what we have been striving for as part of the progression of what we have and both need, or at leas it should be, as part of our power exchange dynamic and relationship.

300 Rise of Empire Sex Scene


BDSM is not often portrayed in movies. When it is, it's often campy and overdone, more as a joke than anything else. Most sex is movies is very vanilla.

Not so in the movie 300: Rise of an Empire. Eva Green and Sullivan Stapleton give a great sex scene, and I don't often say those words!

They both play archenemies, meeting to fight and make love and win dominance over the other.

Sex scenes in movies don't normally do much for me (I prefer novels), but yummm. I watched it like give more times after that. Maybe more. Okay, definitely more.

But other rape scenes don't really do it for me. Like the recent rape scene between Jaime and Cersei Lannister in A Game of Thrones. Or the famous rape scenes of Clockwork Orange or the lipstick scene with Margaux Hemingway forced-sex scene.

Why did I find this movie alluring? Because both characters were strong. Both fought for dominance. The man was obviously physically stronger and was going to win, but she gave him a good run for his money.

Are there any sex scenes you all particularly enjoy? Leave a comment!

Transitioning to D/s… (Part 1)

I have been asked many times over the years which I think is easier...starting a relationship with a D/s dynamic or transforming an existing relationship into a D/s dynamic.  I even receive messages from people in existing relationships that want to bring D/s into what they have, and asking for help and advice.  Whether just starting out or being in an existing relationship, each has their good and bad points.  But by far I think it's easier to start a relationship with D/s in mind than to change over an existing relationship.  This doesn't mean that it can't be done by any means.  I just believe it to be easier to start fresh with D/s in mind.

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The Fear Of A Dominant…

There is something I have been thinking about lately.  I know...a scary thought.  You could probably feel the ground shaking from wherever you are, and no it's not an earthquake.  This morning I read a post from Fondles, which can be read HERE.  It was an interview of her Dom with her asking him questions.  He touched on the very thing, at least in a round about way from the way I read it, of what I have had going through my head.

I have written over the years quite a bit about the feelings and emotions that happen for a submissive.  What goes on inside their head and many seem to face.  It's something I feel like I have a good grasp on and understand.  At times I have also written about the Dominant and what he is dealing with, as well.  What I have been grappling with lately is the emotions and vulnerability a Dom can feel.

The stereotype and view of Dominants as a whole is that of being stoic, having their house in order, and always being calm and in charge.  Being able to handle any situation, and not having emotions play into it. He can seem calculated and devious and know his place and roll well.  Actually though, I guess that's the case in the world as a whole...women are emotional and men aren't.  Well, I'm here to give you a little bit of insight.That's not always the case.  At least not with me anyway.

As much as I may appear to have a crap together on the outside, what's happening on the inside can be complete chaos.  Not all the time, so don't think I'm a bumbling mess.  But there are times when I can struggle just as much as the submissive I may write about.  Just as with a sub, I can need to be reassured.  I need to know where we stand and that I'm needed.  I need to know that my feelings for my sub are reciprocated.  I need to know that I'm not putting myself out on a limb only to have the limb cut and I come crashing down.

Just because I am a Dominant in my relationships, it doesn't mean I don't have fears and feelings and emotions.  It doesn't mean that I don't feel vulnerable in exposing myself and putting myself out there, just as I would require my submissive to do.  I need to be wanted.  I need to be appreciated.  I need to feel cared for and loved.  This is no different than a submissive needing these same things.  Just because she needs to submit and offer up her body, mind and heart to follow and obey, doesn't mean she doesn't need to also feel all these protections from her Dominant.  I need the same thing from my submissive.

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Give the Girl a Cookie

I want to write all the fun and sexy parts of date night.  I want to tell you how it started on date morning with me carefully selecting my clothes so that I would feel sexy and powerful all day.  And I want to tell you how we met for dinner and then wended our way home to an amazing time that leaves me sitting here with a generally sore right bottom cheek.  (Why only right?  See, if I could tell you all about it, you would know.)

But before I talk about all that fabulousness, I need to write about the more serious side.  A continuation of my last post, I think.  I had ended it here:

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The Dimensions Of Experience

The sum of our experiences help form us and make us who we are today.  Our experiences help us learn and grow and progress.  A person can read and study and research all they want, but it's the experience we gain along the way that is what brings it all together.  Nothing can replace experience and actually going through something.

I get emails on a fairly regular basis from people looking for advice and needing some information to better help them understand this lifestyle.  The one topic that seems to come up more than any other is the feeling of being lost.  It's being in this lifestyle, having a relationship that has ended, and now feeling lost and completely out of sorts without the power exchange dynamic.

"So what do I do now?"
"I can't imagine starting over in this again!"
"Do I just go back to being vanilla?"

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Take My Hand…

Here I am...
Take my hand...
Not because I ask you to take it...
Not just because I extend it to you...
But because you need to take it...
You need what taking my hand means...
What it represents...
You need the guidance...
The leadership...
The one to watch over you...
Because you need the oversight...
The discipline...
The structure...
Because you need the pleasure...
The pain...
To be of service...
Take my hand...
Because you trust me...
You respect me...
You believe in me...
Because to me you need to give yourself...
To give all you are...
All you have...
To be shown who you are...
Who you can be...
To help you reach your potential...
Take my hand...
So I can enable you to be yourself...
With no hiding...
No running...
No false pretenses...
Without being judged...
Or looked down upon...
Together we can go far...
Farther than you've ever known...
Farther than you knew existed...
If it's what you feel you need...
And I am who you need...
There's only one thing...
One thing left to do...
Take my hand...
~DV~

The Ebb And Flow Of Dominance

The ebb and flow!  The coming and going!  Back and forth!  From here to there and back again!  The mind and our personalities are a funny thing.  One day we can be in particular head space, and the next day be totally different.  For some people, it's not even day to day that this occurs, but maybe even hour to hour, or minute to minute.  No, I'm not talking about the mood of women and them changing without a moments notice.  I'm talking about the mindset and needs of the Dominant!We all have moods we cycle through depending on what's going on in our lives.
I am no exception, and the needs of my Dominance change as well.  There are days when I feel very sensual and passionate.  I want to be softer and more caressing.  I want to kiss gently and rub her cheek softly.  I want to enjoy the elegant and sensuous curves that make my submissive the woman she is and trail my fingertips along every single part of her.  I want to explore her and enjoy all she is.  I want to tease and heighten her senses to the touch and make her want more.  I want her to feel loved and cared for and feel that side of me.  To know that it's there and that it is part of what she gets from me.

Settle For Nothing Less…

 

This says what’s been on my mind lately.  Sometimes so many things run through my head about this lifestyle and D/s, yet I just can’t seem to formulate them into one complete post.  My thoughts can jump here and there and be all over the place.  But this pretty much says it all!  This says how I feel and see this and what I think it should encompass and be.

~DV~