I mentioned in my last post about all the recent posts in blogland that have been written lately in regards to this. One thing I haven’t seen much about is the role of the Dominant. Let me make this very clear (my disclaimer)…this is not something for the beginner Dominant. I feel it takes a very special and knowledgeable hand to be able to do this correctly. It is not something you just do and say I’m going to push until I break you.
Being able to take a submissive to the edge and just over it requires a very intimate knowledge of the submissive. You need to know her inside and out…physically, emotionally, and mentally. You need to know what she can take and what she can’t. There is a very fine line between pushing her just over the edge to accomplish the intended goal, versus pushing her way past the edge and falling off the cliff. You need to be able to read her actions and reactions and know when you are close and when you have reached the point you were out to find.
This only comes with time and experience together. Without this knowledge of her, you are just shooting aimlessly into the dark. Maybe you’ll hit your mark, and maybe you won’t. This isn’t something where you are just guessing and hoping. There is very little room for error here. This requires a huge amount of trust and respect for the Dominant by the submissive. She is putting herself in your hands, and trusting you know how to reach the intended goal without destroying her. Not being able to read and understand her, you could very easily do her more harm than good.
This should go without saying, but I will definitely make sure to cover it…AFTERCARE!!! If aftercare was ever needed, this is the time for it. you have taken to her to the edge and beyond, and brought about extreme emotions within her. You certainly can’t just leave her that way. She needs to be held and supported and made to feel loved. She needs to know you are there for her. She needs to feel and see your care and know that you are there to prop her up now that you have taken her to what could have been one of her lowest points ever.
This aftercare doesn’t just mean fifteen minutes after the actions occurred. From the mental and emotional side, it could mean seeing after her and keeping a check on her for days. you don’t just bring about extreme emotions, and ones that may have been hidden deep inside her for years or a lifetime, and expect she will be fine and over within a day or so. You need to be there for her, to encourage her and talk to her openly about this as needed. Anything less, in my opinion, in nothing but mental and emotional abuse. You can’t take her to a place like this and then just leave her to her own devices to work it out. You got her here, you damn well better help her deal with it afterwards.
As a Dominant, this may not be something that is fun for you. It may not play into your idea of being pleased and enjoyment. But that’s not what this is always about. Being dominant isn’t always fun and games. It’s about helping her reach her goals and become a better person. It’s about giving her what she needs, and maybe even requests. This isn’t just about fun, but about being a leader and a man, and being the best one you can be for your submissive. It’s about becoming a better Dominant yourself through the process.
Through situations like this, she will need you more than ever. Don’t do her the disservice of not being there for her completely. That defeats the whole purpose of the entire relationship. Be the Dominant you say you are and need to be for her. In the end, she will trust and respect you more than ever. She will belong to you more than she has before. She will be a better submissive for you, and a better woman. And that is the entire purpose of taking her to the “breaking” point to begin with.