Controlling Sex

This week has been really nice.

We’ve been having kinky sex. And I’ve been sleeping better. Fewer nightmares, I don’t even remember my dreams. It’s so nice!

The bad thing is it wears off after only a night. If we don’t repeat the, erm, performance, the next night, I don’t sleep as well again and I get nightmares.

I don’t know if it’s the rush of endorphins afterward, or the high of subspace, or the feeling of being totally emotionally and physically drained and then taken care of afterward…. but it makes me sleep so much better.

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"Being Broken"…The Dominants Role

In my last post I talked about the subject of “breaking” a sub.  I got some great comments and had some good discussions as to how we all view this subject.  Sometimes a submissive feels the need herself to be broken, and sometimes her Dominant feels it is necessary.  Whatever the case, this is not about breaking her down completely, making her lose her identity, breaking her spirit, and trying to create something of your own choosing out of the shell of a person that remains.  This is about breaking down a specific wall or barrier for a specific purpose, and to help her be a better person, be the person she is deep inside, and the person she desires to be. 

I mentioned in my last post about all the recent posts in blogland that have been written lately in regards to this.  One thing I haven’t seen much about is the role of the Dominant.  Let me make this very clear (my disclaimer)…this is not something for the beginner Dominant.  I feel it takes a very special  and knowledgeable hand to be able to do this correctly.  It is not something you just do and say I’m going to push until I break you. 

Being able to take a submissive to the edge and just over it requires a very intimate knowledge of the submissive.  You need to know her inside and out…physically, emotionally, and mentally.  You need to know what she can take and what she can’t.  There is a very fine line between pushing her just over the edge to accomplish the intended goal, versus pushing her way past the edge and falling off the cliff.  You need to be able to read her actions and reactions and know when you are close and when you have reached the point you were out to find. 

This only comes with time and experience together.  Without this knowledge of her, you are just shooting aimlessly into the dark.  Maybe you’ll hit your mark, and maybe you won’t.  This isn’t something where you are just guessing and hoping.  There is very little room for error here.  This requires a huge amount of trust and respect for the Dominant by the submissive.  She is putting herself in your hands, and trusting you know how to reach the intended goal without destroying her.  Not being able to read and understand her, you could very easily do her more harm than good. 

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