Bdsm

Whether you are an avid practitioner of the BDSM lifestyle or you are new to the idea, finding people just like yourself can be a lonely path to walk. It certainly isnt as though you can ask your friends and relatives, Do you know a great BDSM site where I can meet people just like me? Although it is seen primarily as a fetish, the word alone lends the impression there is something morally reprehensible about your interest. There isn’t.

Of course there are people who seek to practice BDSM as a fetish and as such are likely to use some form of bondage or sadomasochism for the purposes of sexual power over his or her partner. The difference between the occasional practitioner and those who see it as a lifestyle is that the lifestyle group is more likely to incorporate it into their every day relationship. Both are acceptable, provided only one thing each, whether a Dom or submissive, is doing so consensually.

If Theres Nothing Wrong With It, Why Do You Have to Hide Your Interest?

As with everything not considered normal sex, BDSM is largely misunderstood and often lumped into categories that imply practitioners are sick or perverted. Like a great many things, what people have no understanding of or what they consider to be abnormal, they will label it sick, twisted or perverted. We see this in how humans react to people of a different religion or culture. What is seemingly foreign, whether its ritual surrounding cleansing and blessing food, using certain spices in ones cooking or rites of passage such as tattooing, xenophobia is not relegated or unique to any particular aspect of human behavior. People are raised with a specific set of mores and beliefs and understanding what is deemed acceptable, As such, few have the ability to look outside of their upbringing to understand and accept, let alone explore for themselves. And so a label is slapped onto anything that doesnt make sense.

This doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you! It just means you may have to use alternate avenues to find answers, meet people with similar interests and if need be, answer questions you have about BDSM. What is also means is that you must use caution when sharing with your friends and family that you are into the BDSM lifestyle. While this is wholly unfortunate, it is the way society functions.

How Do You Meet People Just Like Yourself?

This answer is not nearly as problematic as admitting to your friends and family that you are seemingly different from them. Indeed you have long discovered that you cant blurt out at a social gathering that you take part in BDSM, lest you wish to be shunned. You also figured out that you arent able to strike up conversation hoping to elicit advice on where to meet other people like yourself. However, thanks to the Internet, you arent as lost as you may have been 100 years ago or even 20 years ago.

While for the moment you may feel alone and fear being ostracized for your interests, by simply letting your fingers do the walking, you will find yourself introduced to numerous people who share your same interests. Ironically, despite the stigma attached that those into the BDSM lifestyle are twisted, who you will meet are normal every day people doctors, lawyers, teachers, business people, dancers, writers, artists, you name it. In other words, those who take part in BDSM span all intellectual, socioeconomic, cultural even religious backgrounds. Again, whether you are looking for a long-term partner to incorporate your Dom or submissive desires into most every aspect of your relationship or meet someone who can allow you to act out your sexual desires to be a Dom or an submissive, you are a literally a click away from both.

Pushing Her Mental Boundaries…

I have been asked about the theme of my tumblr blog and it being BDSM related yet I post a lot of girl on girl pics.  There isn’t a simple answer to this.  It’s much more involved then one might think.  Of course, there is the fact that those pics are just plain hot and I post them because I like them.  Yet, it also goes deeper than that in relation to my slave.
My slave has always had bisexual desires and found women attractive.  Getting her to admit she has those desires has been a bit more of a challenge.  It has taken work and time and patience.  It has taken a lot of support and encouragement in letting her know that it is ok to desire the things she does, not just with her bisexuality but also being the slave she needs to be, her desire and love of pain, and a whole host of other things.  It has taken her becoming more secure in what we have, who she is for me, and that we are in this together no matter what.  Everyone has those certain mental boundaries that are an issue for them, and her admitting her desires for women has been one of those.

The Jekyll and Hyde Contradiction…

I believe at times we all have contradictions that that run through our head.  This is especially true within this lifestyle of BDSM, D/s, Ms, etc…  Any of you that have followed me for any length of time know that I have written about the contradictions that lie within submission.  There is the internal battle many times of what seems right versus what a submission wants, needs, or craves.   It can be hard to accept these things and come to terms with our desires for these seemingly inappropriate acts and treatment.  In today’s society, it can even seem very wrong to even want to submit and give power and authority over to another person, regardless of the acts that may play out.  Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret… this can be hard for a Dominant/Master at times as well.

Read moreThe Jekyll and Hyde Contradiction…

I Own You

There are few things as raw and powerful as him taking you firmly by the hips and saying, “I own you” as he penetrates you.

The rush of emotion is divine. Subspace pulls me in. I feel like weeping. I am conquered, controlled, loved, and captivated.

The words are powerful. “I own you.”

And so I feel owned.

The BDSM Community

One thing I have found about the BDSM community is that it is very, very open minded.  I get the feeling it wasn’t always this way, that a few decades ago if you weren’t into black leather and gay sex (the two most stereotypical facets of BDSM originally), you were sort of shunned since mainstream society had shunned them.

But the community grew, and now any kink is okay. There is a community-wide openmindedness that is perfectly described by the half-joking acronym YKINMKBYKIOK, Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is OK.

It is something I really, really like about this community. I’m in somewhat of a minority in the BDSM community, one because my Dom and I are monogamous and two because I am Christian. It is easy to shun others who aren’t like you, but because the BDSM community is pretty much comprised of people who have sexual practices that are shunned by mainstream society, and that is a huge umbrella of kinks and proclivities, the community has really reached out to all sexual outsiders with the message, Come on in. We won’t judge.

And for the most part, people don’t. Sure, I see a few FetLife forums where Wiccans and Christians get into it, or the occasional rant about how monogamy is unnatural (ironic, no?), but mostly, people respect your boundaries and they respect your kink.

You’re into being a dog or a horse or a kitty cat? An adult baby? A slave? Weird. But cool.

You’re into Christian Domestic Discipline? You’re polyamorous? You’re a man who likes to be dominated by women? You fantasize about being raped? You’re gay or straight or bi? Cool.

And I really, really like that mentality.

One, it has helped me grow into an individual who is a lot less judgmental of others’ sexual desires. A friend confided in me that his fiancee likes to be slapped. I sort of shrugged. That might have been weird for me five years ago, but that’s nothing compared to the stuff I read on FetLife, and I’ve gotten to know some of those people and they are serious cool, normal people whom I would be happy to hang out with. Another friend recently confided in me that his wife is interested in having a threesome. Sure, that’s not my kink (as a Christian, I’d think that’s a sin, but he’s not a Christian and does not hold himself to the same moral values I do, and besides, I’m not living his life and what he does in his marriage is not my concern). Thanks to my experience with way more poly relationships than a one-time hookup, I was able to give him unbiased advice about a safe way to possibly meet someone with those interests, without going through something sketchy and potentially unsafe like Craigslist or a prostitute.

I like that through FetLife, I have relationships with people who are Christian and a dozen other faiths, people who are M/s, people who are CDD, people who are gay or straight or single or married. I like that this community says, “Welcome in. You’ll find a place for yourself here. And if you don’t, you can make one.”

I think that’s very cool.