There is so much I could say about this, but I feel like I have already said it. So…I will let this speak for itself. It says so much that I could never put into words and do it justice. I couldn’t have worded this better myself.
The Dimensions Of Experience
The sum of our experiences help form us and make us who we are today. Our experiences help us learn and grow and progress. A person can read and study and research all they want, but it’s the experience we gain along the way that is what brings it all together. Nothing can replace experience and actually going through something.
I get emails on a fairly regular basis from people looking for advice and needing some information to better help them understand this lifestyle. The one topic that seems to come up more than any other is the feeling of being lost. It’s being in this lifestyle, having a relationship that has ended, and now feeling lost and completely out of sorts without the power exchange dynamic.
“So what do I do now?”
“I can’t imagine starting over in this again!”
“Do I just go back to being vanilla?”
Not All Pain Lovers Are Masochistic
In this lifestyle we choose to be involved in, almost every relationship has some form of pain involved with it. For some it may be very mild, or more of a discomfort. For others it may be very intense and harsh. There are those out there that love the feel of pain. They get turned on by it, aroused, and need it as a part of their life and from the hands of their partner. They are the masochists. They can’t imagine going without being able to receive some sort of painful stimuli.
I think the true masochists are few and far between. I believe that almost all submissives love, like, or learn to like some level of pain. This does not make them masochistic. For them it is not about the pain itself. Pain is a side affect of the bigger picture. For them it is about the act and the method in which the pain is received. Most importantly, it is about the person inflicting the pain or discomfort.
For most submissives, pain from their Dominant is part of the relationship. Whether that be spanking, nipple play, orgasm denial, or any number of other possibilities. It the feeling they get from taking what their Dom dishes out. It’s feeling the strength and power from his hands. It’s being wiling to withstand what he does to her. It’s feeling her own submission to him in giving herself completely to him for whatever he desires. This isn’t necessarily about the pain itself. It’s much more mental and emotional than just receiving pain. It’s much more about her sense of belonging to him and giving all she has to give.
Showing dominance in different ways
I think it’s so interesting how those of us in this community show our submission and dominance in different ways.
Some women have written that, as part of their submission, they always order for their husband at restaurants. For me, on the other hand, my husband and I are both more old fashioned. At restaurants, he usually asks me what I want, then communicates my order to the waiter. If I want a refill or some extra condiment, I ask him and he flags down the waiter to ask.
Sometimes I wonder if waiters think this is strange. But I like that my husband is taking this role to protect me and provide for me. He is old-fashioned and likes to treat me that way, opening my doors, getting my lunches ready in the morning, making sure scatterbrained me still has her purse and keys in the morning. You can sometimes see him carrying the baby and the diaper bag and my bags even when I offer to help. He does a great job taking care of me.
Sometimes he will grab me by the hair, kiss me or bite my neck, and then let me go a few minutes later to continue whatever I was doing when he interrupted me. I think he likes being able to do what he wants, when he wants. I think it makes him feel powerful.
Because he is so confident, my Dom is not very jealous or nit-picky. Sometimes I even wish he were a bit more stringent and super-corrective! He is very laid back and confident, so he does not feel threatened if I want to spend time with male friends or my family members. However, he makes sure that any male friends I have, he also knows and has spent time with. I have one male friend that he is comfortable me going to his house alone, because they are good friends and my Dom trusts him 100%. I have another friend that my Dom is good friends with and does not mind me going out to meet him at a public place like lunch, or even my friend coming to my house, but he does ask me not to go to his house alone. I’m not sure why, but I did as he told me.