Dominance

Pushing Her Mental Boundaries…

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I have been asked about the theme of my tumblr blog and it being BDSM related yet I post a lot of girl on girl pics.  There isn’t a simple answer to this.  It’s much more involved then one might think.  Of course, there is the fact that those pics are just plain hot and I post them because I like them.  Yet, it also goes deeper than that in relation to my slave.
My slave has always had bisexual desires and found women attractive.  Getting her to admit she has those desires has been a bit more of a challenge.  It has taken work and time and patience.  It has taken a lot of support and encouragement in letting her know that it is ok to desire the things she does, not just with her bisexuality but also being the slave she needs to be, her desire and love of pain, and a whole host of other things.  It has taken her becoming more secure in what we have, who she is for me, and that we are in this together no matter what.  Everyone has those certain mental boundaries that are an issue for them, and her admitting her desires for women has been one of those.

The Jekyll and Hyde Contradiction…

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I believe at times we all have contradictions that that run through our head.  This is especially true within this lifestyle of BDSM, D/s, Ms, etc…  Any of you that have followed me for any length of time know that I have written about the contradictions that lie within submission.  There is the internal battle many times of what seems right versus what a submission wants, needs, or craves.   It can be hard to accept these things and come to terms with our desires for these seemingly inappropriate acts and treatment.  In today’s society, it can even seem very wrong to even want to submit and give power and authority over to another person, regardless of the acts that may play out.  Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret… this can be hard for a Dominant/Master at times as well.

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Emerging From The Darkness…

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She had abolished herself within the dark dungeon because of the way she had been treated and viewed by all those outside. She had waited what seemed like a lifetime for the One Person that had the key to release her. For the One Person that was willing to bring her out of the darkness and accept her within the light. The One Person that could unlock the door to allow her to finally be free to fly. The One Person that could release her from the darkness she thought she would always be within.

As the door opened and the light He brought to her laid it’s beams upon her wings, they naturally spread as if she had always known how to fly. Yet, she was afraid of what lied beyond the door. At least in the darkness she knew what to expect. He didn’t drag her into the light, but instead patiently waited. He encouraged and offered support for her new life as she slowly left the darkness behind and stepped into the light. She knew that she owed everything to Him, for after all He was the one that held the key that would allow her to be who she has always been destined to be, and would completely accept her as she was.

As she emerged into the light, she knelt before Him in gratitude and reverence. She was beholden to the One true holder of the key that released her from the dungeon of herself to find the freedom in being all she can be. She knew that only with him would her wings spread wide and she would finally learn how to fly. He would nurture her soul and help her accept herself and all she is. She finally knew what it was like to find complete and total freedom in belonging to and giving herself to that One Person that had the ability to release her from the imprisonment of her own mind.

As tears of happiness rolled down her face, she took his outstretched hand to begin the Dauntless Journey down the path she had needed to be led down her entire life. She could finally feel her wings spread wider than they ever had before as she felt the care, love, and safety in his guidance. She was still afraid, but only of the unknown. Yet, she trusted Him with every ounce of her being, would give him her very best, and knew this was exactly where she was meant to be.

~DV~

Because He Said So…?

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I have seen pictures and groups of pictures on tumblr, and other places for that matter, that are D/s and M/s and BDSM related with the words “Because He said So”.  I will say that as a Dominant I do adhere to this mantra, but there are some caveats to this as well. 
For the uninformed, uneducated, and ignorant people of this world, it’s these caveats that hold the true meaning behind these words. This is not a blanket statement, right, or entitlement that gives an alleged Master/Dom the right to demand anything he wants, expect it to be done or carried out, and then get mad when it doesn’t happen.  Listen to this very carefully…You are not entitled to a single thing just because you call yourself a Master or a Dom.  You don’t automatically have the right to expect anything just “Because You Said So” because you have proclaimed yourself as having a title.  
So what does it mean when you hear “Because He Said So…”?

It means the sub/slave has given him that right and authority over her.

It means she has consented this power to such a person.

It’s because she sees and feels him as worthy of such power and control.

It’s because he has earned the right to be able to be that way with her.

It’s because he has earned her respect in the Dominant position h has with her.

It’s because he has put in the time, effort and work to get t that point with her.

For me personally, when I see those words it’s not just those words alone that resonate with me.  It’s the entire dynamic of the power exchange relationship, all it takes and all the two of you have gone through together to reach a place where “Because He Said So…” is a reality and has true depth and meaning.  It is a very special feeling and place to be when you reach this together.  But it is not something that you can instantly demand and expect.  
Earn your place with her.  Put in the time and effort she deserves.  Earn your title with her, because she feels it and bestows it upon you, not because you hereby declare it for yourself.  Anyone can call themselves whatever they like.  Having someone else see you as that person and give themselves to you as that person in your life… that is the true blessing. You don’t have a right and aren’t entitled to anything.  You do have the right to earn what you want and strive to achieve your goals.  
When the title as her Master or Dominant has been earned, and she sees you as worthy of that position over her, that is much more gratifying and fulfills a level of accomplishment than anything ever demanded without effort.  And when you get that from her, that is when you can truly say… “Becasue I Said So…”!
~DV~

Control In Daily Life…

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Every relationship involves two people.  Two people that rely on each other to meet their needs, make them feel good, and to make them feel fulfilled.  It’s a bond they felt from the start and has grown deeper as the relationship has progressed.  It involves a lot of trust, communication and mutual respect.  A power exchange relationship (D/s, M/s, etc…) is no exception to this, and may even have some of these characteristics that are even more prevalent than their vanilla counterparts.As we all know, much of what those of this in this lifestyle do and portray is very sexual in nature.  Whether it’s written blogs, websites, Fetlife, Tumblr, or whatever the case may be, what we run across more times than not is the sexual elements.  This may be justified to some degree, as much of the time these relationships are about sexual Domination and submission.  Yet, I think it’s the aspects of these relationships outside of the sexual realm that are the foundation that makes them strong.  It’s the day to day interactions and normal daily life that people build lasting relationships upon, and not wild unadulterated sex, although we will all agree that is the fun part of this.

For many people it seems to be easy to engage in some type power exchange relationship sexually.  Yet, when it comes to daily life decisions it seems to be more difficult.  People appear to have a harder time taking or giving up control in daily life than they do with giving up control of their own bodies.  For me personally as a Dominant, part of my rules is that I have the last word and the power to make all decisions.  I want my partners views, thoughts, and opinions, and will always take that into account, but in the end I have the say.  That doesn’t mean I want total control, that I’m overly Domineering, or that it’s my way or nothing by any means.  It just establishes the boundaries for which we will conduct ourselves.  This rule is easy to say but is much harder for both people to actually carry out.

There are times that I may make decisions and that is the end of discussion.  Yet, more times than not, it is a combination of my own decision and my subs decision.  I don’t conduct my relationship as a dictatorship or like a communist regime.  I don’t want a mindless sub or slave.  I want someone that can contribute to our relationship to make us both better and stronger.  I want someone who can think for themselves and will also make decisions that are for the betterment of us.

Giving up control on decisions that affect your life and will have long term consequences can be scary.  It takes a lot of trust and respect for the other person, and this can take a long time to develop.  So least to say, when my sub comes to me to help her make life decisions it can be very gratifying.  It shows me the depth of what we have fostered together.  It shows me the true submission she has towards me in letting me in to make these decisions for her.  It shows me the trust she has in me to make decisions that could affect and alter her life long term.  This could be financially related, about a career or job position, a situation with a friend, one of the children, or any number of possible scenarios.  She knows that based on our relationship dynamic my opinion carries a lot of weight, and she will likely have to go with my stance on the matter.  Ultimately, this is what she needs and expects of me, though.  This is the leader she needs me to be.  Even still, I don’t just tell her what to do and nothing else is allowed, but rather try to equip her with information to make an informed decision on her own.  A true leader doesn’t demand, he inspires.

For a Dominant that lives this lifestyle and conducts his relationship within a power exchange dynamic, in all aspects of a relationship and not just sexually, trust and respect are everything.  These are attributes that are earned and gained.  So, having your submissive trust you in all aspects of your relationship, and to make decisions that are potentially life altering, is such a satisfaction.  It can make you beam inside with delight in seeing the depth your relationship has reached and just how how far the two of you have come together.  With this comes a lot of responsibility.  You have to make sure you are ready and able to carry that weight on your shoulders and live with the consequences of your actions.  Those actions affect not only you, but also your partner.  I am more than willing to accept this responsibility.  After all, reaching this point is what we have been striving for as part of the progression of what we have and both need, or at leas it should be, as part of our power exchange dynamic and relationship.

Handing Over The Belt…

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One of the things I love about pictures is there is no right or wrong way to look at them.  We each see something different within the same image.  This is one reason I have always enjoyed using pictures with my submissives.  I can send a picture, or a link to a picture, and ask her to tell me what she sees, to tell me what she feels within the picture, or even to put herself in the picture and tell me what she feels about being in that situation.
This is a great tool for learning about her and how she sees things.  Maybe how she sees herself in this lifestyle.  How she sees different aspects of the lifestyle.  What her wants, needs and desires may be for herself as a submissive or from me as a Dominant. The information that can be gathered from a discussion about a picture can be so valuable.  It is being able to get inside her head and know more of how she thinks and feels.  About what drives her.  Once she shares her view, feelings, and thoughts, then I can do the same.  Sometimes our views may match, and other times it may be an opportunity to look at a situation or scene different than we had before.
Recently I was presented a picture and asked to give my view about it.  It was of a woman with a belt in her outstretched hand, as if she was offering it to her Dominant to use on her.  I think it’s one thing to use a belt on a woman and make her submit to it.  Yet, it comes from a totally different place when she is bringing you the belt and asking for it.  My comment went like this:
 
Bringing me the belt.  Needing to be beaten so badly that you would ask for it.  Needing me to help you clear your mind and make you feel your place.  Needing to feel my possession, the force, and my control over you.  Needing to feel your own submission to it.  And knowing once I start, you don’t get to decide when I’m done or you have had enough.  That is up to me and only me!
 
 
That was my initial view and what I saw in the picture when I looked at it.  I know it takes a very strong and secure woman, with a lot of trust for her partner, to be able to come to him and ask for a spanking or a beating.  That is where my viewpoint was based.  What I got back in response to my viewpoint really caught me off guard and made me think.
I have to admit, there is an appeal or maybe curiosity in everything about this.  I know how the belt feels and I can’t exactly lie and say I don’t enjoy it.  But how it can clear ones mind, give them the reset or release they need is very intriguing to me.  I do love the thought of coming to him on my knees, handing him the belt and asking for help.  Feeling safe in asking to be beaten.  Trusting that there’s not judgement, only understanding.  Then feeling his total possession and control as I put myself in his hands, trusting that he will give me what I need.  And yes, knowing that only he decide when I’ve had enough and it’s done.  I think that this could possible go both ways though.  There has to be a great feeling for him during this too.  Feeling and expressing Dominance and power.  Maybe not the same sort of reset or release, but similar.  So maybe the scenario is 
​that he had some long days at work with traveling and one thing after another.  I can see and feel the stress weighing on him when he gets home.  So I come to him, hand him his belt, strip, and offer my ass (head down ass up) to beat.  Clearing his mind and giving him the release he needs.  Submitting to and taking the pain because that’s what Master needs.  The amount of love, respect, and trust it entails (for both of us) is simply beautiful to me!
Hmmmm… I hadn’t looked at it that way before.  I tend to look at so much of what I am and do as a Dominant revolving around my submissive.  Having it revolve around her needs and her desires and what she needs from me.  Yes, I may talk about what I get from her and what I can take from her because she is mine, but that still fits within her needs as well.  But this…this was different.  This was the point of view of a submissive offering and giving herself, maybe even to her own detriment and suffering, for the betterment and happiness of her Dominant.  Not being asked to take it or endure it for him.  Not being made to withstand the lashes from the belt.  But rather offering herself and her body to be his release, his stress relief, to help ease what he has build up inside.
To me, this is the ultimate essence and goal of what Dominance and submission are about.  This is about as deep as it gets and comes from a place of love and devotion.  This is putting your partners needs and well being above and beyond your own.  This is being willing to give all you have to give, and suffer in doing so, not necessarily for pleasure but for the betterment of your partner and caring enough to need to do that.
This really did make me think and look at the picture in a different light.  It made me look at what submission really can be and how precious it is when you have that from someone as a Dominant.  Just how far your submissive may be willing to go for your happiness.  Just what she may be willing to endure for you to help you feel better and relive your stress.  This is the beauty of what this lifestyle really can behold.
~DV~