The Fear Of A Dominant…

There is something I have been thinking about lately.  I know…a scary thought.  You could probably feel the ground shaking from wherever you are, and no it’s not an earthquake.  This morning I read a post from Fondles, which can be read HERE.  It was an interview of her Dom with her asking him questions.  He touched on the very thing, at least in a round about way from the way I read it, of what I have had going through my head.

I have written over the years quite a bit about the feelings and emotions that happen for a submissive.  What goes on inside their head and many seem to face.  It’s something I feel like I have a good grasp on and understand.  At times I have also written about the Dominant and what he is dealing with, as well.  What I have been grappling with lately is the emotions and vulnerability a Dom can feel.

The stereotype and view of Dominants as a whole is that of being stoic, having their house in order, and always being calm and in charge.  Being able to handle any situation, and not having emotions play into it. He can seem calculated and devious and know his place and roll well.  Actually though, I guess that’s the case in the world as a whole…women are emotional and men aren’t.  Well, I’m here to give you a little bit of insight.That’s not always the case.  At least not with me anyway.

As much as I may appear to have a crap together on the outside, what’s happening on the inside can be complete chaos.  Not all the time, so don’t think I’m a bumbling mess.  But there are times when I can struggle just as much as the submissive I may write about.  Just as with a sub, I can need to be reassured.  I need to know where we stand and that I’m needed.  I need to know that my feelings for my sub are reciprocated.  I need to know that I’m not putting myself out on a limb only to have the limb cut and I come crashing down.

Just because I am a Dominant in my relationships, it doesn’t mean I don’t have fears and feelings and emotions.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel vulnerable in exposing myself and putting myself out there, just as I would require my submissive to do.  I need to be wanted.  I need to be appreciated.  I need to feel cared for and loved.  This is no different than a submissive needing these same things.  Just because she needs to submit and offer up her body, mind and heart to follow and obey, doesn’t mean she doesn’t need to also feel all these protections from her Dominant.  I need the same thing from my submissive.

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The Dimensions Of Experience

The sum of our experiences help form us and make us who we are today.  Our experiences help us learn and grow and progress.  A person can read and study and research all they want, but it’s the experience we gain along the way that is what brings it all together.  Nothing can replace experience and actually going through something.

I get emails on a fairly regular basis from people looking for advice and needing some information to better help them understand this lifestyle.  The one topic that seems to come up more than any other is the feeling of being lost.  It’s being in this lifestyle, having a relationship that has ended, and now feeling lost and completely out of sorts without the power exchange dynamic.

“So what do I do now?”
“I can’t imagine starting over in this again!”
“Do I just go back to being vanilla?”

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