Husband Punishes Wife Without Spanking

There is a serious lack of information on any sort of husband-led relationship that includes disciplines without spanking. Seriously, every time you type it in, whether you’re looking for tips or support or erotic or that damn porn that always creeps up begging for clicks, because heaven forbid you want information not found in highly unrealistic pornography.

We have a relationship with punishment and domination without spanking. In fact, I haven’t been spanked in years. Not only because I’ve been so good. Also because that’s not the way our D/s works.

The Fear Of Fantasies…

Dominants and submissives alike often times have trouble coming to terms with the things they fantasize.  With the things they find themselves desiring.  With the things they find themselves craving within this lifestyle.  Although, I do think it is harder for a female submissive to come to terms with than it is for the Dominant.  The main reason for this?  They are looking at and comparing themselves incorrectly.As a Dominant, I have had the pleasure of dealing with quite a few female submissives.  Some were in real time and real life, while others were by some sort of electronic means in offering advice, answering questions, giving guidance, etc…  In my approach, as many of my followers know, I require complete open and honest communication.  I do not allowing hiding, running away, or avoid the truth.  I will require to know her thoughts desires, fantasies, what thoughts she masturbates, to, and what really gets her off.  I think this is vitally important so that I can understand her, see how she thinks, and what she needs as a submissive.  Without this information, how can I possibly be a Dominant towards her?!?!

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Olympic Submission?!?!

I was watching the London Olympics last night.  For me it’s one of those things that certain games I enjoy and others I could care less.  At the same time, I can’t quit watching because I just have to see who wins, and how they win.  The Olympics have control over me,and I don’t like it.  I even found myself watching ping pong the other night.  I mean…really?!?!  LOL!


In all seriousness, I was watching some of the women’s gymnastics.  The announcers were discussing the training regimen of one of the US Women.  I say women, but really the are all very young.  Anyway, they were talking about how talented yet stubborn she can be.  It’s just part of her personality.  Her coach will push…she will push back…her coach will push more, etc…  That was almost word for word how they described it.  Sounds kind of familiar, doesn’t it?


It takes a very strong coach to be able to train and push a gymnast like her.  To stand up to her to make her be better.  To make her become the best she can be.  To push her past what she wants to do and thinks is necessary, in order to become more than she ever thought she could be.  For the coach, I’m sure it can be very trying at times, yet it is the coach’s job to not let her get the upper hand, and to keep her on track, improving, and progressing.


I think you can see where I’m going with this.  As a Dominant, especially for a strong willed, stubborn, head strong submissive, you must be able to stand your ground and push.  When you feel resistance, and feel her push back, you can’t give in.  You must stand your ground.  You are doing her a disservice by giving in, and thereby letting her begin to control the situation.  Ultimately she needs this control from you, and needs your Dominance.  That is why she is here in the first place. She may not always like it, but it is for her own good and to make her better…to help her grow and progress. It’s in seeing the fruits of your labor that she will trust and respect you more for standing up and not giving in.  This is what she needs from you most.

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The Strength Within

Patience is a Virtue“…how many times have we all heard that?  For me, more than we care to count.  Especially when in today’s society everything seems to be so fast and furious.  Technology has made us want instant gratification and instant results right now.  I am no exception.  Yet, at the same time I teach about patience and that some things just take time.  So how do we deal with the fact that we need patience, yet want something right this minute? The answer is very simple…inner strength.  I think having a lot of inner strength is vitally important to being a Dominant.  I don’t mean being physically strong, and even having that presence about you that exudes Dominance.  Sometimes, it can take all a dominant has to be strong and be patient.  This can be an internal battle he fights within himself. I’m not looking at this as patience in dealing with a submissive, or patience in seeing progress and growth within her.  That should be a given, as nothing happens overnight.  I’m talking about the strength to hold out yourself, as the Dominant, to be able to be better for the submissive.

One example of this is a short story I saw attached to a picture on tumblr yesterday.  It was all about the Dom teasing the sub, getting her all worked up, letting her stew about it mentally, yet not letting her have any release.  Many times that is the point of the exercise, and in showing who is in charge and in control.  She gets her release when he allows it.  She can ache and throb within, be a sloppy mess between her legs, and she can beg and plead to have him and have her release.  She can need it more than anything.  Yet, she doesn’t get it.

This is where having inner strength comes into play for the Dom.  It can be very easy to push her just a bit, and give her what she wants as soon as she begs a little.  But does that serve the greater good of your relationship?  Giving her what she wants every time she wants it, just because she asks?  I don’t think it does!  It can be very difficult to say no to a beautiful woman who is overly sexually aroused, and begging and pleading to be taken.  I mean, who in their right mind would turn that down, right?  But part of being in control is being in control of yourself.  You have to be strong to deny her to accomplish the goal you set out to reach.

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"Being Broken"…The Dominants Role

In my last post I talked about the subject of “breaking” a sub.  I got some great comments and had some good discussions as to how we all view this subject.  Sometimes a submissive feels the need herself to be broken, and sometimes her Dominant feels it is necessary.  Whatever the case, this is not about breaking her down completely, making her lose her identity, breaking her spirit, and trying to create something of your own choosing out of the shell of a person that remains.  This is about breaking down a specific wall or barrier for a specific purpose, and to help her be a better person, be the person she is deep inside, and the person she desires to be. 

I mentioned in my last post about all the recent posts in blogland that have been written lately in regards to this.  One thing I haven’t seen much about is the role of the Dominant.  Let me make this very clear (my disclaimer)…this is not something for the beginner Dominant.  I feel it takes a very special  and knowledgeable hand to be able to do this correctly.  It is not something you just do and say I’m going to push until I break you. 

Being able to take a submissive to the edge and just over it requires a very intimate knowledge of the submissive.  You need to know her inside and out…physically, emotionally, and mentally.  You need to know what she can take and what she can’t.  There is a very fine line between pushing her just over the edge to accomplish the intended goal, versus pushing her way past the edge and falling off the cliff.  You need to be able to read her actions and reactions and know when you are close and when you have reached the point you were out to find. 

This only comes with time and experience together.  Without this knowledge of her, you are just shooting aimlessly into the dark.  Maybe you’ll hit your mark, and maybe you won’t.  This isn’t something where you are just guessing and hoping.  There is very little room for error here.  This requires a huge amount of trust and respect for the Dominant by the submissive.  She is putting herself in your hands, and trusting you know how to reach the intended goal without destroying her.  Not being able to read and understand her, you could very easily do her more harm than good. 

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Some Words On "Being Broken"…

There seems to have been a few posts lately in regards to a submissive being “broken” by her Dominant.  There have even been some tense moments where comments were left and discussions got a bit heated.  The fact of the matter is…we all have different views on what “being broken” is or means.  And this is one of those areas that tends to mean something completely different from one person to the next.

I think it is important to understand the context of what being broken means when it is discussed.  I think it also has a stereotype attached to it, much like this lifestyle.  That’s the irony of this…most of us know that the lifestyle we choose to live isn’t anything like the public image and how it’s perceived, and I think being broken is much the same.  It has a negative connotation that many people can’t see past.

This image, at least to me, is of a woman being completely stripped physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Down to a completely raw person that resembles nothing of their prior self.  This being done only to build and re-shape her the way someone else wants.  This type of treatment I do not condone or agree with.  For me this is not about completely breaking her down to make her what I want her to be.  I want my sub to be who she is and all of who she is, with my help of course.  I’m not here to change her.  I’m here to help bring out of her the parts she has inside that she may not be aware of or be comfortable expressing.

Sometimes to grow and progress we have to break through or break down walls.  In order to do this you have to push boundaries and limits.  You have to take a sub to the edge of this wall and then push some more.  You have to break her mentally or emotionally, but only in regards to this wall.  And once through the wall you must stop.  you don’t keep going.  Many times this is the hurdle she needed help getting over.  Once done, the path becomes much more clear for future growth and even bring you closer together as a couple.

An example of this is a conversation I had with a submissive once.  She was very into her relationship, trusted her Dom with all she had, and would have done anything for him.  She had found a love of spanking that she never knew she had.  One of her issues was opening up letting go emotionally.  She said that she rarely cried, especially from physical pain, and can remember this even as far back a a child.  She would bite her lip until it bled in an effort to take the pain and not let the tears flow from her eyes.  So, this is what she now wanted.  She wanted her Dom to take her, spank her, and help her break through this wall.  She wanted to be made to reach a point where letting go of it all was the only choice.  She wanted to be broken to the point of letting years of tears flow from her eyes.

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