The BDSM Community

One thing I have found about the BDSM community is that it is very, very open minded.  I get the feeling it wasn’t always this way, that a few decades ago if you weren’t into black leather and gay sex (the two most stereotypical facets of BDSM originally), you were sort of shunned since mainstream society had shunned them.

But the community grew, and now any kink is okay. There is a community-wide openmindedness that is perfectly described by the half-joking acronym YKINMKBYKIOK, Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is OK.

It is something I really, really like about this community. I’m in somewhat of a minority in the BDSM community, one because my Dom and I are monogamous and two because I am Christian. It is easy to shun others who aren’t like you, but because the BDSM community is pretty much comprised of people who have sexual practices that are shunned by mainstream society, and that is a huge umbrella of kinks and proclivities, the community has really reached out to all sexual outsiders with the message, Come on in. We won’t judge.

And for the most part, people don’t. Sure, I see a few FetLife forums where Wiccans and Christians get into it, or the occasional rant about how monogamy is unnatural (ironic, no?), but mostly, people respect your boundaries and they respect your kink.

You’re into being a dog or a horse or a kitty cat? An adult baby? A slave? Weird. But cool.

You’re into Christian Domestic Discipline? You’re polyamorous? You’re a man who likes to be dominated by women? You fantasize about being raped? You’re gay or straight or bi? Cool.

And I really, really like that mentality.

One, it has helped me grow into an individual who is a lot less judgmental of others’ sexual desires. A friend confided in me that his fiancee likes to be slapped. I sort of shrugged. That might have been weird for me five years ago, but that’s nothing compared to the stuff I read on FetLife, and I’ve gotten to know some of those people and they are serious cool, normal people whom I would be happy to hang out with. Another friend recently confided in me that his wife is interested in having a threesome. Sure, that’s not my kink (as a Christian, I’d think that’s a sin, but he’s not a Christian and does not hold himself to the same moral values I do, and besides, I’m not living his life and what he does in his marriage is not my concern). Thanks to my experience with way more poly relationships than a one-time hookup, I was able to give him unbiased advice about a safe way to possibly meet someone with those interests, without going through something sketchy and potentially unsafe like Craigslist or a prostitute.

I like that through FetLife, I have relationships with people who are Christian and a dozen other faiths, people who are M/s, people who are CDD, people who are gay or straight or single or married. I like that this community says, “Welcome in. You’ll find a place for yourself here. And if you don’t, you can make one.”

I think that’s very cool.