I lie and wait

I lie and wait for the triple header I know is coming,

That I know I deserve after mentioning threesomes and reading erotica and hitting him
Am I in for a bad night?
He has trained me somehow,
Changed me somehow,
Made me this woman who lies in bed awaiting her triple fucking, asking for it, needing it
Needing the connection,
The atonement for sins past
Waiting to be overcome,
Needing to be reminded who’s boss
The baseball game captures his attention a few moments more
I’m tingling, nervous
Still aching from the welt his hand left on me when I hit him–
He already marked me
What punishment is in store?
The game is almost over.

Husband Punishes Wife Without Spanking

There is a serious lack of information on any sort of husband-led relationship that includes disciplines without spanking. Seriously, every time you type it in, whether you’re looking for tips or support or erotic or that damn porn that always creeps up begging for clicks, because heaven forbid you want information not found in highly unrealistic pornography.

We have a relationship with punishment and domination without spanking. In fact, I haven’t been spanked in years. Not only because I’ve been so good. Also because that’s not the way our D/s works.

We Come Together Again

We come together again,
And it is beautiful.
We come together in the light of a rainbow dusk
You feel me, you read me, you understand me:
You conquer me.
My Julius, your strong hands grip me,
Leave me no choice, take me
I shudder under your grip,
Subspace engulfs me,
I relax, sinking down
You are mine
Your hands say it,
Your hips say it,
Your teeth say it as they tear into my neck
I am yours.

Wondering, worrying

Sometimes, our sex life is so great. Like, a 9/10. And I say that only because I always want to leave room for improvement and growth.

There’s domination, rape, when I’m very lucky bondage. (He likes to use his hands, bore!)

I feel so close to him during the day. We laugh a lot together. I think about how good our marriage is and how happy I am.

Sometimes, our sex life is not so great. He seems lazy and uninspired; he tells me he’s busy at work. I understand this, but I yearn. I want to be passive, not the one who has to entice and convince and hope and climb on top. I’m disappointed. He pokes around with the lack of skill I imagine a teenage boy would have. He comes too soon. He takes too long to come. He does not want to dominate me.

When those bad times happen, he tells me he’s tired, it’s just a fluke. When the good times happen he retroactively acts like he planned it all along. Oh, I meant to pretend to fall asleep and upset you and then wake up and rape you. I totally meant to have sex on a fertile day even before you begged me for it. Part of me wants to rejoice that we’re so in tune. But the other part of me thinks, is this too in tune? If the bad occasions are a fluke, is it probable the good ones are, too?

Temporary Equality

For those of you not in 24/7 D/s relationships, how do you decide when and how to enter into the D/s aspect?
I’ve heard of methods people use to get into “the mode” of power exchange. For example:
Have you tried any of these? What about those of you in long-distance D/s or in D/s relationships with children or family around often so you have to appear more the norm when around them? How do you maintain the power exchange all the time, or do you go back and forth between D/s and “normal”?
With a baby and being so near our families, it’s harder to maintain a power exchange relationship. We don’t have time to spend doing things like spankings or kinky sex. He doesn’t seem to have the time or energy to micro-manage me or even to boss me around. Therefore, we’ve settled into more of a 60/40 relationship than a 90/10 or 100/0 like we were working toward several months ago.

Becoming A Weaker Woman

“Are you making me into a weak woman?” I asked.

My Dom seemed confused. “Why would you think that?”

Why would I think that? Because now it seems like I’ve become used to relying on him to make every decision I don’t feel like making. I can’t decide between the chicken and the fish. Which one do I want, babe? I’m not sure if I’d like fries to go with that for only a dollar. Do I want fries, babe?

If I want something, I say so. And he doesn’t care. But if I’m hesitating, I turn to him. Even on the smallest things.

I’ve noticed an alarming pattern to my answers when my parents ask me questions. “Getting a new car? I don’t know if we’ve started looking. Ask him.” Or, “Utilities high this month? I have no idea. Ask him.” Or, “Are the bills paid on time? I don’t know. He always takes care of that.”

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