Change…that can be a scary thing. Most of us are afraid of change. We get used to how things are and like it that way. If when we don’t like how things are, it’s familiar to us so change can still be difficult. Yet, when it comes to this lifestyle, I prefer a term different than change…I prefer evolution.
Yes, things change, people change, and situations change, but in this lifestyle I think we tend to evolve. I think we grow and progress and become more. We need more. Staying stationary isn’t enough. It’s stagnant and becomes mundane and boring. We need to move forward, go further, and be pushed to more.
I have said on more than one occasion that vanilla just isn’t enough. Why is that? Because we have evolved to needing more than that. Even once you become a part of the kinky realm and engage in BDSM activities, what once seemed kinky after a while begins to be normal. It doesn’t have the same excitement it once did because it’s not new any longer. It is now the new normal. This lends us to evolving and pushing for more. It takes us further down this path to new adventures and activities. It opens us to becoming more and learning more about ourselves.
I have seen this evolution within myself and others. I have seen and experienced the changes that can occur once you delve into this lifestyle. It doesn’t happen quickly, but it is part of the process as we move through this. I have seen people that wanted nothing to do with any form of anal play learn to enjoy and even crave it. I have seen people that wanted nothing to do with any form or pain come to need it. I have seen people come around to needing public play and/or humiliation of some form. The possibilities are endless, but the point is that we evolve from where we were to where we are and what we need and desire.
There are some things that I think are essential for this evolution to occur. It always comes back to the relationship in which you are involved. It requires the development of deep trust and respect for your partner and their role with you. It requires a lot of being open with each other, being able to discuss your needs and desires, and having that free flowing communication.
For many of the activities, it has more to do with the person you are involved with than the desire or need for the actual activity itself. For instance, a submissive may be more than willing to take pain and suffer for her Dominant, and even find pleasure in doing so, but that may not mean she is a lover of pain or a masochist. It is all because of the relationship they have together. It’s the way and the context in which the pain is delivered, the circumstances, and who is delivering the pain. This is all part of the evolution of their relationship, the depth it has grown to, and what they have come to need and desire with each other.
Change, or evolution as I like to call it, is a natural part of progressing within this lifestyle and our relationships within this lifestyle. It is part of growing closer and becoming more for and with each other. It’s needing to give and have more with each other. Coming to terms with this evolution and what you find yourself now needing can be difficult at times. Yet, with an open mind and free flowing communication this can be overcome. Evolving into more together is essential and natural, as staying stagnant and stationary will gain you nothing. We all have to learn to embrace the evolution of ourselves in this lifestyle, wherever that may lead us.