I want to write all the fun and sexy parts of date night. I want to tell you how it started on date morning with me carefully selecting my clothes so that I would feel sexy and powerful all day. And I want to tell you how we met for dinner and then wended our way home to an amazing time that leaves me sitting here with a generally sore right bottom cheek. (Why only right? See, if I could tell you all about it, you would know.)
But before I talk about all that fabulousness, I need to write about the more serious side. A continuation of my last post, I think. I had ended it here:
And when I started whimpering, I started floating a bit. I don’t know how to describe it, but I became almost too submissive – too docile – whimpering as if I could not take any action. I am not sure if it was a good or a bad thing, but I know that after, I was much more cuddly than normal and I actually felt as if I needed a good rub or some sort of other aftercare.
I will be the first to admit – I have made fun of aftercare all this time. I have delighted in the posts that rant on the why of aftercare. I have been flippant about not really needing it. I have taken x number of flogs and been fine. Sure, sometimes my thigh would vibrate for a while and sometimes I needed to collect my breath for some time, but blankets and bears and snuggles and foot rubs?
However, something really new is going on over here. It may be my recently renewed commitment to submission. I haven’t really brought this up, but for a while there, I was kind of “phoning it in”. And now, I really am trying to let go. I am waiting patiently for the new contract he is working on, and he has mentioned enough items here and there, that I know it is coming. In the meantime, if he says it is time to go to bed, I stand up and go into bed. If he says, stay here, I stay. He is not using a “mean dom” voice, he is often just making suggestions, but following them has changed something.
I guess you could say that I am being more mindful.
Concurrently, there has been a few timely posts in blogland this week about how to make your man more dominant. (Answer? Among other things, be more submissive.)
All this leads to what is happening. We had a great date night and then we had some hot, sexy and good painful sex (spankings while sucking on cock; nipple torture while riding same cock). Added in was H’s newfound willingness to say he was doing something because he could. I was getting stimulation from a lot of different directions – mind, bottom and orgasm all.
When we finished, he said, “And now off you go.” Which generally means, he needs to take a breath or shift a body part and I can’t stay where I am. It happens and it is okay because he usually wants to cuddle. I came right off and lay on my back next to him. That is when I knew something was different. At that moment, I felt like I returned to my body with a thump. I took a deep shaky breath. And then I took another. And I wanted to lay there for a minute. I don’t know if I hit subspace or not, I don’t remember leaving my body, I am only aware of returning.
And then there were things to do. H was energized where I was depleted. The bedding had to come off cause there was a lot of wet – not just a spot for us these days. We had to dress again to go get the kiddo from his care location. We started moving and we made it outside to the car and that was it for me. I couldn’t really even stand. I have read about this before – how you shouldn’t “fly” and drive, but really this was my first experience.
H sent me back in while he went to collect the son. I lay there the whole time he was gone and I really couldn’t collect myself. They came back and I did “fake” being a mom for the 15 minutes it took to greet my son and get him in pj’s and into bed and then I tried to tell H what was going on.
“I am not really syncing back up. I need something – not sure what it is – orange juice for the sugar? Something.” He had just opened a bag of oreo’s, so he offered me a cookie. I looked at it. I ate it, and the texture did help. Not enough though, so I went to bed right away.
I slept. But I still feel a bit off this morning.
It is not a bad off in the sense that someone did something wrong, but it is an off, which is not totally comfortable. Perhaps there is some sort of transitional piece (aftercare?) that needs to be implemented here. I don’t know – like I said before, I am just putting this out there and going forward, but something has definitely changed. I think it may be me.