Looking Beyond The Surface

As I have traveled through this lifestyle and my own journey I have learned a lot about myself.  I have learned about myself as a man.  I have learned about myself as a Dominant and the type of Dominant I am.  I have learned what I comes naturally to me, and what I have had to work on to become better.  We all have natural abilities that suit us well, and some things we have to try harder to understand and become proficient. Above all else, the one thing that seems so natural to me is understanding the submissive mindset.

I see things differently than a lot of people.  I see things much more clearly than a lot of people.  Being able to understand a submissive’s way of thinking just seems so natural to me.  Now, some of you will take that as a challenge, and that is not my intent.  Everyone is different, and therefore has to be approached differently.  Yes, there are times that I can be thrown for a loop and have no clue.  Yet for the most part, I have a good grasp of submission, as I have written about for several years now.

Many people look at a beautiful woman and see what’s on the outside.  They see her face, her nice body, how her hair is done, her stockings, her dress cut up to there.  Throw in the word “submissive” and they immediately want to do naughty things to her.  I see her a bit differently.  Yes, I see the beauty and attraction, but I also see more.  You have to look much deeper.  I immediately start thinking of what she wants, what she needs, and what kind of submissive she is.  I start thinking of how to teach and lead her.  I see her potential.  It’s not just looking at the woman and taking in the sight.  The most important thing is…looking beyond the surface to what is looking back at you.

I have always stated that I am very much into the mental and emotional aspects of D/s.  I believe that to understand her you have t understand how she thinks and feels.  You have to get to the core of why she wants what she does.  Why she feels she needs the things she mentions.  What is behind her desire to submit.  What does she really need from it and hope to have in a Dominant partner.  Is it the force?  Is it the care?  Is it the pain?  Is it the pleasure?  Is it the peace and security?  What is her driving force?  Until you begin to find this out, you can never fully understand her.  In turn, you can never really be the Dominant she is needing  until you figure out what she is needing and why.

So, how do we find all this out?  Yep, it all comes back to communication.  It all comes back to each of you being completely open and honest.  And yes, that may very well mean being exposed and vulnerable.  As a Dominant you have to be open and share with her just as much about you as she does about herself.  She can’t fully respect your asking her to be open and share if you aren’t willing to do it yourself.  She has to see it’s a two-way street.  Only then will she begin to open up to you and let you into her darkest corners to be able to understand her more clearly.  You have to ask a lot of pointed and direct questions.  You have to allow her to ask questions as well, and give her open honest answers.

Many times you have to look far beyond the surface of her answer to find the true meaning of what she is saying.  And what she is truly saying she may not even know herself.  This is where the ability to understand her mental side and feelings comes into play.  It’s up to you as the Dominant to help her understand.  It’s up to you to enable her to see herself and what she is going through, especially when she has no clue herself.  Obviously, this can’t be done if you don’t know and understand her mindset.  This can only come with time and educating yourself.

I have been blessed with the gift of this understanding…at least most of the time.  It’s my job to know so that I can help her know.  I have tried hard and worked at learning more and more.  It takes time and effort.  Yet, having a natural ability to understand this goes a long way as well.  A Dominant has to have a good general understanding of this, but also has to be willing to take the time to get to know a submissive and try to understand her as well.  Don’t just take what you see and what she says at face value.  Look deeper!  Try to see not just the physical woman in front of you that says she’s submissive.

Try your best to learn the deeper reasons behind who she is as a woman and her desire to submit.  Find her potential.  Find her motivation.  Find her needs.  You are doing both of you a disservice if you don’t.  And if you do, the woman you find and discover may be everything you had hoped she was.  Help her find and be the woman she needs to be.  This isn’t about changing her or making her what you want her to be.  It’s about helping her be who she is and finding all she is, while enabling her to reach her full potential.  Be that Dominant…the one that helps her find all she needs to be.

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