I think it is important to understand the context of what being broken means when it is discussed. I think it also has a stereotype attached to it, much like this lifestyle. That’s the irony of this…most of us know that the lifestyle we choose to live isn’t anything like the public image and how it’s perceived, and I think being broken is much the same. It has a negative connotation that many people can’t see past.
This image, at least to me, is of a woman being completely stripped physically, mentally, and emotionally. Down to a completely raw person that resembles nothing of their prior self. This being done only to build and re-shape her the way someone else wants. This type of treatment I do not condone or agree with. For me this is not about completely breaking her down to make her what I want her to be. I want my sub to be who she is and all of who she is, with my help of course. I’m not here to change her. I’m here to help bring out of her the parts she has inside that she may not be aware of or be comfortable expressing.
Sometimes to grow and progress we have to break through or break down walls. In order to do this you have to push boundaries and limits. You have to take a sub to the edge of this wall and then push some more. You have to break her mentally or emotionally, but only in regards to this wall. And once through the wall you must stop. you don’t keep going. Many times this is the hurdle she needed help getting over. Once done, the path becomes much more clear for future growth and even bring you closer together as a couple.
An example of this is a conversation I had with a submissive once. She was very into her relationship, trusted her Dom with all she had, and would have done anything for him. She had found a love of spanking that she never knew she had. One of her issues was opening up letting go emotionally. She said that she rarely cried, especially from physical pain, and can remember this even as far back a a child. She would bite her lip until it bled in an effort to take the pain and not let the tears flow from her eyes. So, this is what she now wanted. She wanted her Dom to take her, spank her, and help her break through this wall. She wanted to be made to reach a point where letting go of it all was the only choice. She wanted to be broken to the point of letting years of tears flow from her eyes.
This was the one place, and with the one person she trusted the most, that she felt she could be taken to a point of completely letting go and finding a way through this emotional barrier. She wanted this wall broken down. She was asking to be broken…at least in this specific way. This is the one way she could finally find the freedom and peace from her own emotional prison. It isn’t something she could do on her own. She needs help and needs to be pushed to that point. Her “breaking” isn’t about breaking her down completely in order to rebuild her. It’s about breaking her in a specific way that she feels, and he feels as well, that is beneficial and will make her a better person moving forward.
So I will leave you with this…try not to let preconceived ideas and views cloud your judgement when you hear about “being broken”, or anything else for that matter. Most of us here are very open minded and can look at the many sides of a situation before forming an opinion. Especially when it comes to “breaking” someone, make sure you understand the context under which the person is using the term, and how they mean it to apply to them. Just as all BDSM and D/s isn’t about tying someone up and beating the hell out of them, “being broken” isn’t always about stripping someone of everything they are. Most of the time it’s just about pushing a specific boundary or limit, and with a specific purpose. If you look at it from a different angle, many times you can get a much better understanding of what a person intends and what it means to them. The meaning can be different for everyone.