For those of you not in 24/7 D/s relationships, how do you decide when and how to enter into the D/s aspect?
I’ve heard of methods people use to get into “the mode” of power exchange. For example:
Have you tried any of these? What about those of you in long-distance D/s or in D/s relationships with children or family around often so you have to appear more the norm when around them? How do you maintain the power exchange all the time, or do you go back and forth between D/s and “normal”?
With a baby and being so near our families, it’s harder to maintain a power exchange relationship. We don’t have time to spend doing things like spankings or kinky sex. He doesn’t seem to have the time or energy to micro-manage me or even to boss me around. Therefore, we’ve settled into more of a 60/40 relationship than a 90/10 or 100/0 like we were working toward several months ago.
Then, of course, when he wants to suddenly pull out the “I’m in charge” card, I promptly pull out the “No way, Jose!” card. My theory is–and has always been–that men can’t be in charge just when they feel like it. It’s a responsibility he takes all the time or else we are more or less equal; I can’t handle the emotional hurt or mental confusion of not knowing if, when, and how our relationship works, what is expected of me, what I can expect from him, what constitutes bad behavior, and what consequences will be for said bad behavior.
I’m not unhappy. It’s just different from before.
I assume it’s temporary, until we have more time and energy to put into D/s again. Therefore, I’m not really worried about it. I see it as yet another phase for us to go through.
That’s what marriage is.