The Fear Of A Dominant…

There is something I have been thinking about lately.  I know…a scary thought.  You could probably feel the ground shaking from wherever you are, and no it’s not an earthquake.  This morning I read a post from Fondles, which can be read HERE.  It was an interview of her Dom with her asking him questions.  He touched on the very thing, at least in a round about way from the way I read it, of what I have had going through my head.

I have written over the years quite a bit about the feelings and emotions that happen for a submissive.  What goes on inside their head and many seem to face.  It’s something I feel like I have a good grasp on and understand.  At times I have also written about the Dominant and what he is dealing with, as well.  What I have been grappling with lately is the emotions and vulnerability a Dom can feel.

The stereotype and view of Dominants as a whole is that of being stoic, having their house in order, and always being calm and in charge.  Being able to handle any situation, and not having emotions play into it. He can seem calculated and devious and know his place and roll well.  Actually though, I guess that’s the case in the world as a whole…women are emotional and men aren’t.  Well, I’m here to give you a little bit of insight.That’s not always the case.  At least not with me anyway.

As much as I may appear to have a crap together on the outside, what’s happening on the inside can be complete chaos.  Not all the time, so don’t think I’m a bumbling mess.  But there are times when I can struggle just as much as the submissive I may write about.  Just as with a sub, I can need to be reassured.  I need to know where we stand and that I’m needed.  I need to know that my feelings for my sub are reciprocated.  I need to know that I’m not putting myself out on a limb only to have the limb cut and I come crashing down.

Just because I am a Dominant in my relationships, it doesn’t mean I don’t have fears and feelings and emotions.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel vulnerable in exposing myself and putting myself out there, just as I would require my submissive to do.  I need to be wanted.  I need to be appreciated.  I need to feel cared for and loved.  This is no different than a submissive needing these same things.  Just because she needs to submit and offer up her body, mind and heart to follow and obey, doesn’t mean she doesn’t need to also feel all these protections from her Dominant.  I need the same thing from my submissive.

Just as I want her to need me, I want to need her.  I need to have her wanting and needing me and feeling like I’m the only one that can give her what she needs in a Dominant.  Conversely, I want to feel like I need her and can’t do without all she brings to the table and gives to me. It’s that needing someone and being that open with someone that can be scary.  It can bring about fear.  It can bring feelings of insecurity in needing someone in that way, and be painful in the thought of losing her or not having that with her.

A submissive should be just as important to a Dom as the Dom is to the submissive.  Yes, facing the feeling and vulnerability can be difficult.  It can lay you out there and make you feel so very exposed and like nothing good can come from it.  Especially for a Dominant that feels like is supposed to be the strong one.  Yet, when it is all reciprocated and the feelings and emotions run both directions, it can be such a beautiful thing.  And when your submissive can see this in you and knows just how much you care for her, and need her like she needs you, then ultimately she will give you more and submit more than she would have otherwise.

So, don’t think that Dominants are mean, uncaring and emotionless people.  That is very far from the case, and underneath the image of being totally in charge and in control, there are times when that is anything but what’s really happening.  Just don’t tell anyone I shared this with you.  I’m sure it’s a violation of some sort of “Dom Code” that I let you in on this little secret.  I’d hate to get kicked out of the club and be banned from our secret handshake for telling you all this.

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