“Patience is a Virtue“…how many times have we all heard that? For me, more than we care to count. Especially when in today’s society everything seems to be so fast and furious. Technology has made us want instant gratification and instant results right now. I am no exception. Yet, at the same time I teach about patience and that some things just take time. So how do we deal with the fact that we need patience, yet want something right this minute? The answer is very simple…inner strength. I think having a lot of inner strength is vitally important to being a Dominant. I don’t mean being physically strong, and even having that presence about you that exudes Dominance. Sometimes, it can take all a dominant has to be strong and be patient. This can be an internal battle he fights within himself. I’m not looking at this as patience in dealing with a submissive, or patience in seeing progress and growth within her. That should be a given, as nothing happens overnight. I’m talking about the strength to hold out yourself, as the Dominant, to be able to be better for the submissive.
One example of this is a short story I saw attached to a picture on tumblr yesterday. It was all about the Dom teasing the sub, getting her all worked up, letting her stew about it mentally, yet not letting her have any release. Many times that is the point of the exercise, and in showing who is in charge and in control. She gets her release when he allows it. She can ache and throb within, be a sloppy mess between her legs, and she can beg and plead to have him and have her release. She can need it more than anything. Yet, she doesn’t get it.
This is where having inner strength comes into play for the Dom. It can be very easy to push her just a bit, and give her what she wants as soon as she begs a little. But does that serve the greater good of your relationship? Giving her what she wants every time she wants it, just because she asks? I don’t think it does! It can be very difficult to say no to a beautiful woman who is overly sexually aroused, and begging and pleading to be taken. I mean, who in their right mind would turn that down, right? But part of being in control is being in control of yourself. You have to be strong to deny her to accomplish the goal you set out to reach.
Another aspect of inner strength has to do with standing firm in your beliefs, your rules, and your expectations. You can’t be wishy washy and go back and forth. Remaining steadfast and holding your ground is very important. That doesn’t mean you can’t look at things from a different perspective and adjust how you do something. It just means that you have to be consistent in your approach with your submissive. You may not always feel like stepping up and taking control, but it is necessary. Whether that is enacting punishment, giving guidance, or not cutting any slack on a known rule within the relationship. As a Dom, you will be pushed and tested to make sure you are standing strong and that the line in the sand is still in the same place. This can take strength to make sure you stand firm.
I believe that a much stronger relationship can be formed when a Dominant has inner strength. Together, when he remains strong, they can reach much further than if he gives in. the submissive will respect him much more for standing firm, then if she feels she can push him around. Not to mention that pretty much defeats the whole purpose of the power exchange between them. You can still be loving, and caring, and supportive, and nurturing. Yet, you must stay strong and find your inner strength. The strength that is part of you and the strength she deserves to see and have from you.